At the end, the Manchester United players gathered near the centre circle and Sir Alex Ferguson took the public address microphone and congratulated them as if they were champions. Premature it may have been, but he is well-versed in such matters and knows he is on a safe bet. United will retain their title tomorrow if Chelsea lose at Newcastle. Any other result at St James’ Park and the outcome will depend on events next Sunday, when United will win the Premier League for the 10th time in 16 seasons - regardless of anything Avram Grant and Co can do - if they beat Wigan away.

Ferguson and his team had to endure 10 worrying minutes towards the end of the first half when Nani was sent off for a silly, retaliatory headbutt on Lucas Neill and Dean Ashton scored with a spectacular bicycle kick to make it 3-1, but West Ham were so feeble that the outcome was never really in doubt.

Ferguson said afterwards that he was confident Newcastle would approach Chelsea’s visit with the same “bravery” as Alan Curbishley’s team. However, if they do, they will get a similar hammering. Playing against 10 men for the second half, West Ham remained so preoccupied with keeping the score down that they failed to muster a single shot.

“It’s been a great day for us and we’ve got a big chance,” said Ferguson. “Our players have been absolutely fantastic this season. We were down to 10 men and I said to try to run the clock down, keep possession and be patient in the second half. There was a bit of nervousness in our play at times but we killed the game off after the break.”

If United stopped short of a lap of honour, their palsied opponents must have considered a lap of their own penalty area, given that they spent so much time in and around it.

Curbishley keeps banging on about how many of his best players are injured, but it was reasonable for Chelsea to expect the likes of Ashton, Scott Parker, Bobby Zamora and Nolberto Solano to go for it, with 10th place looking likely and nothing to lose. Instead, they were in no mood to inconvenience the champions-elect. Their lack of a competitive edge is sure to raise eyebrows and hackles at Stamford Bridge, especially in the light of Curbishley’s ill-advised remarks last week to the effect that United deserved to win the league, and that he would raise a glass to Ferguson if they did.

West Ham hardly raised a trot yesterday, and had the look of losers from the third minute, when Cristiano Ronaldo conjured one of two goals that made him the first United player since Denis Law, in 1963-64, to score 30 in the league. It was typical of Ronaldo’s season. Nani headed on a long clearance from Edwin van der Sar to supply the Professional Footballers’ Association Footballer of the Year, who slalomed past Neill, surged into the box and fired a low shot that deflected off George McCartney and past Robert Green’s left hand.

Any prematch nerves banished, United were up and running. West Ham were unlucky when Wes Brown handled the ball in the penalty area, only for Zamora to be penalised for a dubious foul, but it would have been 2-0 and game over after 18 minutes had not James Tomkins cleared off the line from Carlos Tevez. Tomkins, a 19-year-old rookie, was playing only because the regular centre-halves, Anton Ferdinand and Matthew Upson, were injured. In their absence, Tomkins and Neill, usually the right-back, deputised and looked like ill-equipped understudies.

United’s second goal was delayed only until midway through the first half, when Owen Hargreaves checked before delivering a left-footed cross from the right that carried over the central defenders for Ronaldo to meet close in at the far post. It went in off a part of the anatomy with which George Best used to score regularly, politely described as his lap.

Almost immediately, Tevez, playing against the team he kept in the Premier League last season, drove home a screamer from 30 yards. With 26 minutes gone, an abacus seemed more useful than a notebook. The belief that it was only a matter of arithmetic was shaken two minutes later when Zamora’s cross was headed by Brown straight to Ashton, who held off Rio Ferdinand to score acrobatically from 12 yards with his back to goal.

After 36 minutes, Nani went down after clashing with Neill on the 18-yard line and Old Trafford suddenly had cause for concern. As Nani got to his feet, the West Ham captain appeared to pinch, then slap him. The Portuguese fell for the provocation and thrust his forehead into Neill’s face; the red card was inevitable. Even Ferguson, who has had his run-ins with Mike Riley, had no complaints. “The game was marred by immaturity from Nani, real immaturity,” said the United manager. “He retaliated when he didn’t need to and the referee didn’t have any option but to send him off after he’d spoken to the linesman. Nevertheless, I’m sure he’ll learn from it.” Ferguson admitted he was “nervous” for the rest of the first half, but there was no reason to be. West Ham played as if they had practised backing off. Any lingering doubt was removed on 59 minutes, when Michael Carrick was allowed to amble forward unchallenged before making it 4-1 with a 25-yarder that went in off Neill.

Over to you, Avram Grant and Chelsea. Resurgent Newcastle are sure to be more competitive than West Ham.