A SAMPLE OF THE CHRISTMAS SONGS aired at St Andrew’s on Saturday: “You don’t know what you’re doing”, “What a load of rubbish” and that rarely-heard classic, “There’s only one Gary Megson”. Suffice it to say, West Bromwich Albion were awful.

Refuting the notion that there are no easy games in the Barclays Premiership, Bryan Robson’s side are now a dire mishmash of plodders and hod-carriers. Relegation is a certainty, intimations of fighting spirit are Savage-lite and Kanu is the least inspirational leader since Captain Bligh. It will be lonely this Christmas, cut adrift from the rest of the top flight’s hapless hackers and awaiting the inevitable.

Steve Bruce, the Birmingham City manager, said if anyone can turn things around then it is Robson. It was a comment born of friendship rather than reality and was at odds with the rout he had just witnessed. Central to it all was Robbie Savage.

Much-maligned, the Welshman plays football as if inhabiting his own private pinball machine. Tackles are made, feuds are created, hair is tussled. Everton fans do not want him at their club, if the radio phone-ins are to be believed, but Savage is earning a grudging respect and, in terms of work-rate, is as honest as they come. Bruce would be deranged even to consider selling him.

John Toshack, the Wales manager, will have been intrigued to see Savage tear at Jason Koumas and Andy Johnson, his compatriots, with rabid intensity. Koumas raked his studs down Savage’s leg, Johnson battered him and, just for good measure, Jonathan Greening joined in and produced the sort of bodycheck that would have warmed the cockles of a prize wrestler’s heart. There is no middle ground with Savage.

Birmingham are beginning to look a decent side again. David Dunn’s guile has been fundamental to the upturn in fortunes, while Emile Heskey and Clinton Morrison have pace and power aplenty. After Savage had scored from the penalty spot, Morrison added a comical second. “I had something in my eye and was looking to the bench,” he said. “Then the gaffer said, ‘Turn around’.”

If only Bruce had said, “he’s behind you”, the panto would have been complete. Seeing Darren Carter waltzing down the left, Morrison forgot his problems, ran into the area and scored. A third from Heskey finished off West Bromwich before Football Focus had finished, and Darren Anderton’s deflected free kick underlined Birmingham’s vast superiority.

Tactically inept and defensively shambolic, West Bromwich should start planning for next season. Zoltan Gera did hit a post for the visiting side, but only Greening and Rob Earnshaw emerged from the detritus with a modicum of credit. “We can’t defend,” Robson said. “I can bring in a few players in the January window, but the thing that concerns me is whether we will still be in contention by January.”

That seems highly unlikely, given the rearguard is a mess of nervous tics and blind panic. Dunn embarrassed Bernt Haas at will, while Thomas Gaardsoe never established whether he was playing in defence or midfield. Riccardo Scimeca was dreadful dealing with the high ball and Darren Purse’s homecoming was soured after all of three minutes when he pulled Dunn’s shirt to concede the penalty. Crumbs of comfort? Well, they did draw with Arsenal last month and Greening, Koumas and Gera are Premiership quality. Will it be enough? No.