A new season will surely bring fresh controversy, but let's not forget that it is a game and is meant to be fun.

Shortest love affair between club and big summer signing: Does anybody really think Andy Johnson has done the right thing by moving to Fulham?

Delete where appropriate: Chris Kirkland has been sidelined due to an injury in his back/knee/ankle/wrist/neck/big toe

Most unlikely stadium announcement (1): Please put your hands together for today’s opponents, Manchester United (PA announcer, Anfield)

Most unlikely stadium announcement (2): Please put your hands together for the return of Gareth Barry (PA announcer, Villa Park)

Most unlikely headline: Shevchenko grabs four as Stoke hit seven

Most likely headline: Non-league opposition knock Stoke out of FA Cup

Record unlikely ever to be beaten by any English club: Out of Europe before the start of the football season (à la Glasgow Rangers)

Regrets, I’ve had a few: Mark Hughes must be wondering if he made the right move in leaving Ewood Park for Manchester City as the wheels start to come off Thaksin Shinawatra’s Eastlands fun bus

Regrets, I’ve had a few, too: Paul Ince thought that he had arrived in the managerial big time when he took over at Blackburn, but that was before he lost his best player and discovered that nobody wants to play for him

Wag worth the transfer fee: Liverpool won’t confirm how much they paid for the Brazilian goalkeeper Diego Cavalieri. Whatever the price, his model wife Daniela will certainly brighten up the directors’ box

Don’t bet against it: David Beckham, widely written off as an England international after joining Los Angeles Galaxy, is still harbouring hopes of playing in the 2010 World Cup