THANK YOU, ALAN SMITH. Thank you for the reality injection of your sending-off. Thank you for proving that the 90 minutes on Saturday wasn’t a parallel universe where, after two seasons of tumbleweed football, the Riverside Stadium hummed to the sound of bubbling intrigue, where entertainment melded with aggravation, saliva and utter contradiction. Thank you, just for doing what you’re supposed to do.

Make some sense of this. Please. Terry Venables: “We had control of the game.” Steve McClaren: “We totally dominated.” Venables: “We never looked like getting anything other than a win.” McClaren: “A fantastic performance. Terry must have been watching a different game.” Game? What ga . . . oh, that. Is that what all those blokes in shorts were doing?

A pity, really. As McClaren unerringly predicted, the energy, organisation and fluency displayed by his side, who look good value for their elevated position in the Barclaycard Premiership, has been swamped by the mayhem which ultimately engulfed the match. When Smith has toyed with his rubber duck in the eighth early bath of his combustible career, it is hardly surprising. And that was just the warm-up.

There were only two areas in which the respective managers of Leeds United and Middlesbrough found agreement. Neither saw the late spat — better make that spit — between George Boateng and Nick Barmby, which followed Franck Queudrue’s sending-off and both concurred that Smith’s dismissal, for a second booking, was harsh. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Smith was shown his first yellow card a minute before half-time, ostensibly for a foul on Joseph-Désiré Job, although Venables claimed that his players were told by the referee that it was for kicking the ball against some advertising boards shortly beforehand. Eh? Wasn’t that when Rob Styles verbally warned Smith? “Ludicrous,” and “ridiculous,” Venables called it.

Part II: Gareth Southgate miscontrols a pass, Smith challenges. It is the 76th minute. He walks. “The ball was there,” Venables said. “It was outrageous to send him off.” McClaren: “It was a cruel decision. Smith’s biggest asset is his commitment. The referee was petty.”

But that unanimity was comprehensively undermined by Lucas Radebe, Smith’s club captain. “It’s up to him now,” the defender said of his fiery team-mate. “He knows he’s a role model to a lot of people who love him and this might turn things against him. We all want to kick out sometimes, but frustrations have to be contained.”

The next flashpoint arrived during stoppage time. Queudrue is late on Lee Bowyer. Barmby pushes Queudrue. Queudrue follows Smith. Action re-starts, the final whistle goes. Words are exchanged. “I was asking Bowyer whether Franck had caught him and he said he did,” Boateng said. “Fair enough, he had to go. Barmby just came down and headbutted at me.”

Pandemonium. “When I was walking away, I spat on the floor,” Boateng said, “but Barmby thought it was at him. He got angry, saying things about my brethren and my wife. What he said was offensive. Spitting towards another player is disgusting and the last thing I would do. People think I’m like a Vinnie Jones type, but I’m just a cool guy and I try to keep it real.”

That was another case of selective memory, because Boateng had been flailing at anyone and everyone. He jostled a linesman and, according to Radebe, “he tried to fight me. And I’ve always got on with him.” Fortunately for the midfield player, Styles has not included any of the above in his report and Boateng later sought out journalists to insist that he and Barmby had made their peace.

Sorted.

Finding a pattern in the football was no more straightforward. On the first return of Venables to his former club, Middlesbrough were clearly the superior side, but twice found themselves trailing, to a Mark Viduka penalty and a sliding tap-in from Bowyer. Job and Southgate bundled in equalisers. It was the biggest crowd on Teesside for more than two years and there will have been converts. To wrestling and crossword puzzles.

Middlesbrough (4-3-1-2): M Schwarzer 6 — S Parnaby 7, U Ehiogu 6, G Southgate 8, F Queudrue 6 — Geremi 8, G Boateng 7, J Greening 6 — J-D Job 7 — M Maccarone 5, A Boksic 5 (sub: S Nemeth, 61min 7). Substitutes not used: M Crossley, C Marinelli, N Whelan, C Cooper. Booked: Queudrue, Greening, Southgate. Sent off: Queudrue. NEXT:Newcastle United (a). FORM: DLWWWL

Leeds United (4-3-1-2): P Robinson 6 — D Mills 6, J Woodgate 8, L Radebe 7, T Lucic 6 — L Bowyer 6, S McPhail 6 (sub: E Bakke, 82), N Barmby 5 — H Kewell 7 — M Viduka 6 (sub: M Bridges, 82), A Smith 7. Substitutes not used: N Martyn, G Kelly, O Dacourt. Booked: Smith, Viduka. Sent off: Smith. NEXT: Everton (h). FORM: DLDLLW

Shots on target: (h) 7 (a) 7. Fouls: (h) 17 (a) 17. Offsides: (h) 1 (a) 4