We have a serious problem in English dressing-rooms today, one that needs to be dealt with. That problem is R&B. What’s the point of sticking slow jams on the stereo before a game? The whole point of pre-match music is that it is meant to get you fired up. And why are we faced with this problem? Because the hoodies always control the stereo.

You know who I mean, the bling boys who like their smooth grooves and big rapper cars. I’m sitting there putting my boots on, running through the set plays in my head and Justin Timberlake starts drooling out of the speakers about wanting to get it on. And I’m thinking: “Should we start hugging each other? Is this some kind of swinger gathering?”

You don’t get music in German dressing-rooms. There’s no room for larking around. It’s all about focus and concentration. So when I first came to England as a 16-year-old the concept of pre-match music was new to me. At that time, garage was the rage in the Arsenal dressing-room. I’d never heard anything like it. I’d grown up with German Europop and all of a sudden I was faced with some ridiculously fast backing beat and some bloke constantly repeating the same line. No wonder I ran so much.

That said, I remember being on the team bus with Germany Under15s on the way to a game against Turkey. It’s a big game, so we we had to be psyched up. As we approached the stadium, Eye of the Tiger came on the stereo, so we got the driver to crank it up. We were punching the air, punching the seats, punching each other. Turkey beat us 4-1. That was the last time music was used as part of pre-match preparation in the Motherland.

But in England the stereo is as much a part of the match-day routine as going out for a warm-up. And that’s why the battle for stereo supremacy is always such a contentious issue. We had an attempted revolution at Fulham not so long ago. When it comes to music, goalkeepers are a law unto themselves and we have two classic cases in Antti Niemi and Kasey Keller, both of whom are into death metal. In fact, I think that’s why Kasey signed for Fulham - so that he could talk to someone about how great bands like Mushroomhead are (it was either that or go to Reading and listen to Slipknot with Marcus Hahnemann).

With strength in numbers, they tried to get the hoodies off the stereo and educate us with a bit of Murderdolls. Needless to say it didn’t last long before the swinger tunes were back on.

Of course, at Fulham we have Clint Dempsey, who is a one-man human beatbox freestyle rapper. I had a go at the beatbox, but rhythm has never been my strong point. Either that or I have some unique jazz timing. Even when the clapping starts in church I struggle to go with the crowd.

I don’t get a look-in when it comes to the dressing-room stereo, but if I did I would put on the new album by Van Tramp and turn up the volume. Trust me, I’m German, it rocks – and my mate is the guitarist.