Goalkeepers, Mark Schwarzer says, “do not necessarily have to be mad”. However, the Australian is entertainingly eccentric.

The Fulham and former Middlesbrough goalkeeper manages to be energetic while sitting still, avoids not only long silences but also any kind of silence and must be the first player to admit to a relationship with inanimate objects – namely his shin pads and toiletries bag.

Some may argue that Schwarzer, who was brought up on the imposing outskirts of Sydney, must be crazy in any case to have stayed at Middlesbrough for 11 years. “It’s not the most beautiful place, not the most picturesque place, but the people are what make it very special,” he says. “They are diehard supporters in that whole North East region. The passion is in their blood. They don’t go on holidays, they spend their money on watching their club. The club is a ray of light for them.”

While with Middlesbrough, Schwarzer lived in Harrogate, which he has swapped for Cobham, in Surrey, close to Chelsea’s training ground and a town teeming with footballers. “It’s like Harrogate but busier,” he says. “I haven’t seen a footballer yet.”

Schwarzer left Middlesbrough because he felt jaded. “Last season was difficult for me mentally,” he says. “If it’s the same environment, people take you for granted. After meeting Roy Hodgson [the Fulham manager] and learning about his plans, it gave me the same buzz as when I joined Middlesbrough 11 years ago. They really wanted me. I had options at far bigger clubs overseas, but I was told I would be No 2, right from the beginning.”

His plan to return to Australia at the end of his career in England could be scuppered by the sporting prowess of his son. Julian is almost 9, a talented footballer and tennis player and is scheduled to join the Lawn Tennis Association’s junior programme.

Schwarzer is the co-author of a series of children’s books that could be made into a television series and Megs, the main character, is a young footballer who leaves Liverpool to live in Australia; but the opposite could be true for the Schwarzer family.

“My wife’s biggest fear is that when we decide it’s time to go home to Australia, our son will keep us here, because if it’s football or tennis, then Europe is the place to be,” Schwarzer says. He does not believe that his son has to choose between the sports yet and he disagrees with the concept of football academies for youngsters, having played once a week and trained once a week at his son’s age. “I played with Christian Vieri [the former Italy forward who is now with Atalanta] in Australia. He didn’t even start playing football until he was 12 years old and he became one of the best strikers in the world,” Schwarzer says.

Schwarzer, 35, was born in Australia to German parents. His father became intensely patriotic and soon took up Australian citizenship. When he watched his son play for Australia in the Confederations Cup against Germany three years ago, there was no conflict of interest.

“My dad thought that there must be more to life than living in Germany,” Schwarzer says. “He wanted adventure and applied to Argentina, South Africa and Australia. And he said to my mum when they got married, ‘I’ve applied to these countries and we are going to live in one of those countries whether you like it or not. I’m going and whoever replies first, that’s where we are going.’ And my mum would either leave him or go with him and she went. It took her ten years to get over her home-sickness.”

His father did not return to Germany for 27 years and Schwarzer suspects that he left it so long just in case he was tempted to live again his homeland. “He wouldn’t admit to it, though, because he’s still very German in lots of ways, in that he’s never wrong,” Schwarzer says.

He refuses to accept that he is superstitious, even though he has worn the same pair of shin pads since he was 19. He does not panic if he cannot find them, it is more a case of loyalty; his shin pads have been with him through good times and bad. And so has the toiletries bag he has used since the age of 22. So, does he have a relationship with these items?

“It’s almost like that,” he says. “They’ve got to come all the way with me. My wife bought me a toiletries bag for Christmas, a really nice Mulberry one, and she kept asking me ‘Are you going to change over?’ and I kept avoiding it. One day I came home and she’d changed it and I went crazy and said, ‘What are you doing? Do I ever touch your cosmetics?’ ”

Stranger than fiction

Mark Schwarzer is the co-author of a series of children’s books about an 11-year-old boy, Edward Morrison, who, because of his skill at nutmegging opponents, is known as Megs. Football features heavily in children’s fiction but is rarely to be found in novels. Here are some notable exceptions:

Striker by Hunter Davies

Davies charts the rise of Joe Swift from hopeful youngster to Serie A superstar. The novel underlines why there is no point fictionalising what occurs daily in the real world.

They Used To Play On Grass by Terry Venables

Co-written with Gordon Williams. Supposed to be a sort of soccer sci-fi, but reserved as a smug reference point every time a crucial match is played on Astroturf.

Damned United by David Peace

Peace won critical acclaim by cleverly acknowledging that football is mad enough, so there is no need to make it up. His analysis of how Brian Clough took over at Leeds United in 1974 is brought to life with a dose of controversial fiction.

The Man Who Hated Football by Will Buckley

Jimmy Stirling is a sports writer. The more he drinks, the more he detests football. It is a catchy but self-defeating title, though. Football fans will avoid it and football haters will worry that it is all about football.

Fever Pitch by Nick Hornby

It is trendy to treat this as a work of fiction – not all the episodes ring true. Would such a keen Gooner miss stealing the title from Liverpool at Anfield in 1989?