Hi Stan. How are you?

I’ve had flu, and the wife’s been in hospital with pneumonia.

Is there a joking coming?

No. The Boardmans are bad. But I’m soldiering on.

Good man. How have you been enjoying the football this season?

It’s been disappointing as a Liverpool fan. Generally, I’m a bit fed up with it. I feel sorry for the local lads who can’t get a game any more. At Liverpool Stevie Gerrard and Jamie Carragher have made it into the first team, but that’s rare. Instead of giving a local kid a chance they’d rather spend £10 million on a feller from the Argentine you’ve never heard of. You can see Old Firm matches without a single Glaswegian playing. It’s sad.

Do you get up to Scotland much?

Yes, I love it. I was up there for a family wedding recently in my kilt. What a sight, that is. I’ll show you the photos if you want. I’ve got a little grandson who’s half Glaswegian, half Scouse. I don’t know how he’s going to turn out. I do a lot of after-dinner shows all around Scotland, in Glasgow, Dundee, everywhere. And I’m playing golf at Loch Lomond next week. I’m in Scotland more than I’m at home.

Favourite Scottish players?

I played with Ronnie Yeats and Ian St John when I was at Liverpool as an A-team player. They’re good mates now, I’m happy to say. And later on we had Alan Hansen, who was brilliant. Then just as you thought it couldn’t get any better, we had Kenny Dalglish, who was the best of the lot.

Will you watch the Uefa Cup final this week?

Oh yes, I’ll be supporting Rangers. I watched the semi-final, and they showed so much fight and bottle. I hope they do it.

How does your act go down in Scotland? I thought English comics got slaughtered.

No, it goes great. But I think Scousers have a lot in common with Glaswegians especially. The sense of humour is the same. I go up to Glasgow, and I feel more Scottish than I do English. Liverpool doesn’t seem like part of England. I’ve never died in Scotland. Some of your old-time, traditionally English comedians might have done, maybe because they didn’t have anything in common with the audience. Des O’Connor would die a death in Glasgow. But Des would die a death anywhere on Earth, so that’s not saying much.