Experts about reading patterns on the web tell us that if you include the words Britney Spears and Sex in your blog you are almost guaranteed to receive 12 billion hits within 50 seconds of the thing being published.

Therefore in a shameless attempt to improve the already astonishing number of hits on Times Online’s sports section we decided to come up with a number of reasons why the Ryder Cup is preferable to a night of passion with the blonde pop sensation.

Feel free to hit your refresh button one more time.

1 The thrill factor

Ok you might find this hard to believe but if you offered most serious male golfers the chance to stand inside the ropes at the Ryder Cup they would prefer that to a night with Britney. She may be gorgeous but she can wait. Standing next to Lee Westwood and Soren Hansen in the Friday fourball can’t.

2 Kentucky Fried Chicken

It was invented here, say no more. Surely no sane man can argue that a night with Britney can compare to a family bargain bucket?

3 Sweet nothings

Your choice – have Britney whispering the lyrics of Oops I Did It Again seductively in your ear or … hear Paul Azinger discuss the merits of table football (foosball as it’s known here) for five minutes in a press conference.

“I am a total foosball junkie. I’d like to see foosball get back on ESPN because it’s a tremendous game that requires a tremendous amount of skill. It’s a hand-eye game and I would like to see somebody pick it up.”

No contest really …

4 Time

We are spending nearly a week here at the Ryder Cup. Even the fittest among us would struggle to manage to spend that amount of time locked in a passionate embrace with Miss Spears.

5 Eroticism

We admit this might be down to personal taste but would you really rather watch Britney reprise her famous MTV Video Music Awards performance from a few years ago when - while performing "I'm a Slave 4 U” - she danced erotically with a large albino python draped over her shoulders.

Or would you rather see Miguel Angel Jimenez knock a wedge on the 13th at Valhalla to three feet.

And Miguel’s got a ponytail …

6 You can do this with your friends

Us reporters and photographers are lucky to be here in Louisville. But on Sunday night we know that millions of you back in the UK will be watching the Ryder Cup with your mates surrounded by beer cans and pizza.

Now imagine taking the telly away and substituting that with Britney (with or without the python). Not a good image is it? Not good at all …

Any other suggestions as to why you’d rather watch the Ryder Cup than spend a night with Britney? Keep them clean (ish) please ….