TODAY

Football, Women’s World Cup, quarter-finals, Norway v China, BBC Interactive, 9.50am, followed by Brazil v Australia This event appeared to have captured the imagination of the Chinese public, until we learnt thousands of “fans” had been ordered to attend. And when the powers-that-be in China tell you to do something, you do it. Tennis, Davis Cup, BBC2, 11.30am Tears are guaranteed as Tim Henman brings down the curtain on an outstanding career. Rugby union, World Cup, Australia v Fiji, ITV1, 1pm, kick-off 1.30pm, followed by Scotland v New Zealand Not even the most optimistic of Scotland fans expect anything other than a thumping defeat at the hands of New Zealand, but it could be worse – they could be England and convince themselves they have a chance. Football, Premier League, Newcastle v West Ham, Sky Sports 1, 1pm, kick-off 1.30pm, followed by Manchester Utd v Chelsea, kick-off 4pm Manchester United can’t believe their luck – Chelsea are in meltdown and of course every football fan in England is gutted. Motor racing, World Touring Car championship, Brands Hatch, British Eurosport, midday, 3.30pm Think F1 with roofs, doors and windscreen wipers. Premier League All-Stars, Sky One, 8pm Oh no! First of eight (that’s eight!) daily programmes hosted by Ian Wright and Helen Chamberlain in which teams comprising famous and not-so-famous football fans represent all 20 top-flight teams.

MONDAY

Cricket, World Twenty20 final, Sky Sports 1, 12.30pm It’s been short but very sweet (unless you’re Paul Collingwood). TUESDAY
Football, Carling Cup, Reading v Liverpool, Sky Sports 2, 7.30pm, kick-off 7.45pm Liverpool manager Rafa Benitez expects to challenge on all fronts, but Reading have other ideas in this third-round tie. Greyhound racing, Sky Sports 3, 7.30pm The Gold Collar, run over 590m at Belle Vue, with the winner receiving, erm, a gold collar. Walkies, anybody?

WEDNESDAY

Football, Women’s World Cup, semi-final, BBC2, 12.45pm, British Eurosport, 1pm The first semi-final – same time tomorrow for the second. Rugby union, World Cup, USA v Samoa, ITV4, 6.45pm, kick-off 7pm Expect Samoa to run up a cricket score (rugby, cricket, it’s all the same to the Yanks).

THURSDAY

Golf, Seve Trophy, Sky Sports 1, 10.30am Seve Ballesteros has hung up his clubs, but is determined not to be forgotten. Here, he captains Europe against Nick Faldo’s GB&I side at The Heritage. Seve takes it quite seriously. Nobody else does.

FRIDAY

Rugby union, World Cup, England v Tonga, ITV1, 7.30pm, kick-off 8pm This game brings England’s dismal pool campaign to an end. Rugby league, Super League, Sky Sports 1, 7.30pm Remember the good old days? You finished top of the table and were champions. St Helens finished top, but here they face runners-up Leeds, with a place in the Grand Final at stake, but the losers get another chance. Clear?

SATURDAY

Rugby union, World Cup, New Zealand v Romania, ITV1, 11.30am, kick-off noon, followed by Australia v Canada and Wales v Fiji; Scotland v Italy, ITV4, 7pm, kick-off 8pm The All Blacks and Australia could field their sevens sides and still win, but don’t put your mortgage on Scotland beating Italy. Football, Championship, Norwich v Sheffield Wednesday, Sky Sports 1, 5.15pm, kick-off 5.20pm; Premier League, Birmingham City v Manchester Utd, Setanta Sports 1, 5pm, kick-off 5.15pm Who’d want to become manager of Sheffield Wednesday? Plenty – they’ve had 11 in 10 years. Golf, Setanta Sports 1, 8.15pm The third day of the Presidents Cup, in which America’s finest take on the rest of the world(ish).

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