The Games in numbers

46 world recordsbroken in eight different sports. The United States have set the most with 11 world records. Seven of those involved Michael Phelps.
78 countriesat the Olympics have won fewer than eight gold medals in Beijing, the figure achieved individually by Phelps. If Phelps represented himself, and not the US, then he would be placed at ninth in the medals table, one behind Japan, and one in front of Italy and the Netherlands
5 competitors disqualified for doping - defending 400m hurdles champion Fani Halkia of Greece, Kim Jong-Su, a North Korean pistol shooter, Vietnam gymnast Thi Ngan Thuong Do, Spanish cyclist Isabel Moreno and Ukrainian heptathlete Lyudmila Blonska, also stripped of her silver medal.
437 BBC staff delivering 2,750 hoursof coverage at a cost of £3m of the licence fee. Was it worth it? Probably.
2 British sailorswho turned the air blue with their foul mouths. That’s medallists Bryony ‘I’m so f****** happy’ Shaw and Iain ‘It’s f****** great to be on top of the world’ Percy. And we thought they were all so polite.

Good

The Opening Ceremony Perhaps London might have to rethink that parade of pearly kings, bendy buses and striking tube workers.
Rohullah Nikpai Afghanistan’s sole medallist. Surprisingly his bronze came in taek-wondo rather than shooting.
The British Yes, it cost circa £15m of Lottery funding per gold, but didn’t they lighten the national mood?
Christine Ohuruogu Let’s just hope she was really clean.
Team GB’s cyclists Hard, ruthless, unblinking, canny and, above all, winners. British long jumper Jade Johnson Being allergic to sand can’t help.
Most athletic athlete: Rebecca Romero A rowing silver in 2004. A cycling gold in 2008. A nude (albeit with her undergarments airbrushed out) advertising campaign to come.
Most inspirational national leader North Korea’s Kim Jong-il, who assisted Pak Hyon Suk to weightlifting gold: “I kept in my mind that the Dear Leader would be watching. That thought was real encouragement to me.” Chris Hoy’s thoughts on Gordon Brown are doubtless similar.
The world’s best-prioritised airline British Airways, who refused to upgrade Boris Johnson’s Beijing jolly; but who did fly home medal winner Bradley Wiggins first class.
Mark Hunter Won gold in the double sculls and promptly vomited with exhaustion. The Olympic spirit lives, in a sense.
Wealthiest spectators The ones who caught Lin Dan’s trainers after he threw them into the crowd to celebrate his badminton gold medal. Bids are now up to 500,000 yuan (c£40,000) per shoe.
Holland’s Maarten van der Weijden Recovered from leukaemia to win gold at the 10km open water swim. “Don’t call me Lance Armstrong,” he insisted, probably wisely.
Most confident coachShi Zhi-hao, the Chinese table tennis guru who nodded off as Guo Yue swept through her heats. “He was probably trying to reduce the pressure on me,” she said, generously.
Hiroshi Hoketsu At 67 the oldest Olympian, making his dressage return after a 44-year break. He and his four-legged chum Whisper finished 35th in the individuals to help Japan to 10th in the team event.

Bad
Bradley Saunders The British boxer who was “glad to lose” to some Frenchman, because he was “homesick”. That £140,000 he received in public funding wasn’t money wasted then.
That poor Chinese girl being forced to mime during the opening ceremony. Couldn’t they find one half-decent singer in China?
The empty stadia China must be running short of people. Oh . . .
The British selection for the women’s 4x200m freestyle swimming relay heat. There was a medal there, but they picked the second string and finished sixth.
The fake fireworks at the opening ceremony. It’s not like the Chinese invented fireworks.
Calling the Great Britain team Team GBNo matter how many golds they won, it didn’t get any less naff.
Blake Aldridge phoning his mother during the diving competition and then blaming Tom Daley for their exit. Who’s the 14-year-old there, then?
Paul Goodison grinding his way to Laser sailing gold via negative and defensive tactics. Legally legitimate, but still somehow wrong.
Kelly Sotherton“I’ve got ‘gold medal’ tattooed across my brain,” she claimed. A shame it wasn't around her neck too.
Team GB’s highly fancied long jumper Greg Rutherford Two no jumps, a poor third and a presumably nonupgraded plane trip home.
Brendan FosterThe very point where bland, sycophantic punditry meets utter incomprehensibility.
Missing in action Sharron Davies's nipples poolside.
Least effective superstition. The Canadian softball team, who insisted they bury a Canadian Loonie coin before their game with Japan to bring them luck. They lost 6-0. Judo One day there will be a British medallist. In theory.
Tyson Gay’s hamstring If the American had been fit, Bolt might have run faster still. If he could carry a baton, he may have still got a medal.
Brazil at football After losing to Argentina, president Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva called the team “embarrassing” and said he had “never been so angry”.

Ugly

Fani HalkiaGreek hurdler who tested positive for the steroid methyltrienolone. Rebecca Adlington’s parents being the victims of a £1,100 internet tickets scam. They’ll laugh about it one day.
Kim Jong Su North Korean shooter stripped of two medals after testing positive for the betablocker propanolol.
Chinese gymnasts He Kexin and Jiang Yuyuan This year their ages mysteriously rose from 14 to 16, which helpfully happens to be the minimum age for gymnasts.

Awards

The Russell Harty/Grace Jones Memorial Frosty Television Relationship Award Sharron Davies and Gabby Logan. If looks could kill, they'd both be dead.
The Yoko Ono Sorry For Splitting The Beatles Lamest Excuse Award Judy Murray blaming the jet lag for her sons’ dismal showing. It must have been their first time on a plane. The Captain Scott A Step Too Far Award Paula Radcliffe. It's time to stop now, petal.

The Andrew Flintoff Whoo-Hoo Let’s Celebrate Award Bradley Wiggins, last seen rolling over the bonnet of a taxi at Beijing’s London House, shouting “peace to the world”.

The Liberal Democrat Most Pointless Campaign Award The International Table Tennis Federation. “We are trying to push the women players to use skirts,” leered vice-president Claude Bergeret.

The Jools Holland Television Watershed Award Team GB’s bronze medalist Bryony Shaw, for wailing to a startled nation, “I’m so f****** happy”.