YOU feel immediate relief after a game like ours on Saturday, but even though we’d beaten South Africa, I also felt an immediate disappointment.

The goalkicking was good but, from an individual point of view, I wasn’t pleased with the way I played. There was a lot of anxiety, nerves and expectation. The Springboks put us under huge pressure, but I’ve been put under pressure before and kicked out of hand better than that.

And I know — or rather I hear — that a few verbals have been directed at the England team. But that’s not something I get involved in. It doesn’t bother me, I honestly haven’t even got a clue what it is that people are saying. I’m not interested. I’m just interested in getting out there and playing better than I did last weekend.

I just didn’t make the best of what happened on the field on Saturday. Once you get out there, it’s up to you to react to what’s put in front of you. That’s why I’m unhappy. I didn’t react as I’d have liked. Some people might think that I put too much pressure on myself, but it’s not that. I just did things technically and tactically I hope I wouldn’t do again.

My two kicks that went straight into touch, for instance. My ball placement, where my foot hit the ball, the way the ball fell on my foot, meant that there was no chance that I could put it where I wanted to. Or that first kick that I sliced into touch in the opening minute: I let the ball go and it almost rotated off my hand. It fell differently and made it very difficult to kick the kick I wanted.

That sort of thing can hang with me. And if the South Africa match had been a one-off game or the end of a series, then it probably would have. But because it’s part of a tournament and we’re moving straight on, I can’t let it. I need to be in a positive state of mind. There’s no time for disappointment. I’ve got a good opportunity to work on those technical problems, to put them behind me.

It’s perhaps ironic, in the light of my game on Saturday, that my stated ambition remains to be the best No 10 ever. But I need to explain this.

This is just a goal in my head; it’s very much a personal goal. It’s not something I’m keen for anyone else to follow. It’s just a different way of saying that I need to be the best I can possibly be every time I take the field.

It’s a decision, a choice, an obligation I’m making to myself that says that whatever I can do in preparation, I will do to help me to go out and perform.

Don’t get me wrong here. I’d be mortified if it ever appeared as though I was saying that I am the best. You would never catch anything like that coming out of my mouth. But it’s a statement of pride in myself. I imagine it as if there was a video camera following my every movement every time I play rugby. What I want to be able to do at the end of the tape is sign it off and say: “That’s a fair representation of what I ’m about as a person and as a player.”

Unfortunately, the way I am as a person, the video camera follows me around everywhere. It’s permanently there for me. When I was doing kicking practice last night, for instance, or afterwards when I went up to my room to consider my preparation for today’s training. It’s a pride thing. It’s setting standards and not letting them slip. Just because there’s no one there doesn’t make it all right to slack off training.

To be honest, the idea of a real camera following me around disgusts me. I don’t enjoy having cameras around. I don’t mind having this little imaginary one of mine that I have to answer to every night before I go to bed, but the idea of being permanently under the spotlight doesn’t excite me.

What does excite me is the opportunity to play again in this World Cup and do a better job than I did last time.