Well, obviously, it will be a hell of a rugby match, but as culinary clashes go it could have been better. Look at whom we could have had: the food heaven that is Italy, the haute cuisine of France, the seafood paradise of Portugal, not to mention Argentine beef, Japanese sushi and New Zealand lamb (although discussing food with All Blacks fans can be risky: I once mentioned kiwi fruit and they thought I was questioning their sexuality).

But instead of an explosion of flavour in the scrum, we have South Africa and England: home, respectively, to salt cod with apricot jam and the doner kebab.

Nevertheless, let us persevere. No country is a culinary desert: or even a dessert. For our World Cup final afters we will combine classic English cooking apples, now in season, with juicy South African grapefruit in an old-fashioned crumble.

Before that we’ll start with a traditional South African hors d’oeuvre of chilli chicken livers. Keep a fire extinguisher to hand: they used to train Bryan Habana, the South Africa wing, by feeding him this, with the nearest iced water 100 metres away. Why do you suppose the chilli that grows only on the hot side of hell is called a habanero?

And for our main course we stay traditional, with an English steak and ale pie. Some people consider this to be a waste of good beer. But let’s face it: if England win, it’s hardly going to be in short supply, is it?

Hot Boer Chicken Livers

Serves 4

Prep 10min

Cook 15min

2tbsp olive oil

300g chicken livers

1 large onion, finely chopped

2 fat garlic cloves, crushed

2 red chillies, deseeded and minced

½tsp Tabasco

1tbsp chopped tomato

150ml dry vermouth

Salt and pepper

Toasted brioche to serve

Method: Heat the oil in a pan and gently fry the onion, garlic and chillies until soft. Add the livers, tomatoes and Tabasco, turn up the heat and fry until the livers are just cooked, stirring constantly. Season with salt and pepper, bung in the vermouth and cook gently for 5min more. Serve on slices of buttered toasted brioche, with a green salad.

English steak and ale pie

Serves 4

Prep 45min

Cook 130min

1kg stewing steak, trimmed of all fat, diced

50g flour

Salt and pepper

125g lard or beef dripping

200g smoked lardons

2 large onions, roughly chopped

4 fat garlic cloves, crushed

2 carrots, cut into chunks

1tbsp fresh chopped thyme leaves

1 bay leaf

500ml beef stock

500ml good ale or bitter

200g mushrooms, roughly chopped

Enough puff pastry to cover a large pie dish

1 beaten egg

Method: Heat the lard or dripping in a large flameproof casserole and fry the bacon lardons. Put the flour into a plastic bag, season with salt and pepper, add the meat and shake the bag until the meat is coated in seasoned flour. Shake off any excess, add the meat to the casserole and fry until browned. Add the vegetables, herbs, stock and ale, and bring to the boil. Turn down the heat, cover the casserole and simmer for 90min. Season with salt and pepper. Preheat the oven to 200C. Transfer the meat to a large pie dish. Brush the flat rim of the dish with beaten egg, cut off a strip of pastry the same width as the rim and run it all around, pushing down firmly until it sticks. Now brush the pastry rim with beaten egg and cover the pie dish with pastry, again pushing down firmly around the rim. Decorate with any trimmings, brush with more beaten egg, and place in the oven on top of a baking tray for 30-40min, until the pastry is golden brown. Serve with garden peas and mashed potatoes.

English apple and Cape grapefruit crumble

Serves 4

Prep 15min

Cook 45min

750g English cooking apples, peeled, cored and wedged

Juice from 2 large Cape grapefruit (3tbsp) and zest from 1

100g brown muscovado sugar

100g flour

100g butter, plus a little for greasing the dish

1tsp ground cinnamon

Method: Preheat the oven to 190C. Grease a 25cm baking dish. Spread the apples across the base, sprinkle with the cinnamon and half the sugar and pour over the grapefruit juice. Rub the flour and butter together until you have a crumbly texture, add the grapefruit zest and place the mixture on top of the apple. Sprinkle with the remaining sugar and bake for 45min until brown and bubbling. Serve with whipped cream.