- What do you call 15 men watching the World Cup final? A: The All Blacks

- What do you call an Australian at the RWC final? A: Ref

- An English fan is told he needs a brain operation. ‘We have to remove half your brain and it may be risky,’ says the doctor. ‘Okay, it’s worth it,’ says the Englishman. After the operation, the doctor tells him that they made a mistake and removed all his brain. ‘Nah worries, mate,’ says the fan. ‘I’ve started to support the Wallabies.’

- The Samaritans number in New Zealand has been busier than normal. The number? 0800 101010 of course … won nothing, won nothing, won nothing

- Four surgeons are talking. The first one says: ‘Accountants are the best to operate on because everything inside is numbered.’ The second surgeon says: ‘Librarians are the best; everything is in alphabetical order.’ The third surgeon says: ‘Try electricians, everything is colour-coded.’ ‘The fourth one says: ‘I prefer southern hemisphere rugby union players. They’re heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and a*** are interchangeable.’

- Jason Robinson, Andrew Sheridan and Jonny Wilkinson are standing before God. God says: ‘Before granting you a place at my side, I must first ask what you believe in?’ Robinson looks God in the eye and states passionately: ‘I believe rugby to be the food of life. Nothing else brings such unbridled joy to so many people. I have devoted my life to bring such joy to people who stood on the terraces supporting their club.’ God offers Robinson the seat to his left. He then turns to Sheridan: ‘And you Andy, what do you believe?’ Sheridan answers: ‘I believe courage, honour and passion are the fundamentals to life and I’ve spent my career providing a living embodiment of those traits.’ God offers Sheridan the seat to his right. Finally he turns to Wilkinson: ‘And fi nally you, Jonny, what do you believe?’ ‘I believe,’ says Jonny, ‘you’re in my seat’

- A man is sitting in the front row at the World Cup fi nal. There’s an empty seat beside him. Another man says: ‘Do you mind if I sit here?’ ‘Not at all,’ replies the fi rst man. ‘It’s my wife’s seat, but she died recently.’ ‘So why didn’t you get one of your family to come with you?’ asks the second man. ‘They’re all at the funeral,’ came the reply