Man of the tournament: Agustin Pichot (Argentina). Statesmanlike. If only there was a Nobel prize for rugby.

Player of the tournament: Juan Martin Hernandez (Argentina). The Maradona of rugby? Only on his bad days.

Coach of the tournament: (joint) Quddus Fielea (Tonga). Took warring factions and a scattered team with no facilities to within a score of South Africa. Jake White (South Africa). For grace in the face of political pygmies.

Icon: Jonny Wilkinson (England). You found anyone yet who doesn’t love him?

Best play: Takudzwa Ngwenya’s searing, rocket-like try for America against South Africa, when he sizzled past supposedly the world’s quickest wing, Bryan Habana.

Os du Randt Mystery: Os du Randt. Why? What is the hulking 20st South Africa prop for?

Class act: South Africa. After the South Africa-Fiji game, Fiji did a long, wonderful and interminable lap of honour. When they got back, South Africa were waiting to clap them off. The Boks’ replacement bench also stood to clap off Jason Robinson after the full-back pulled his hamstring in the pool game.

Most maligned figure: Graham Henry. It wasn’t the New Zealand coach’s fault that his fellow countrymen thought that all they had to do was walk off the plane at Paris airport to the awards presentation.

Best run: Jean-Baptiste Elissalde of France, sprinting diagonally backwards to get the ball out of play against New Zealand, roared on by all those who admire humility in sport.

Best match: Wales v Fiji. Vapour trails left in an awed silence afterwards. Best tackle: JP Pietersen on Ifereimi Rawaqa. Possibly saved the quarter-final when Fiji were rampant.

Best referee: Wayne Barnes (England). For the sheer courage of his refusal to believe in New Zealand fairy tales Gallic transport delights: 1 The TGV. Glamorous, on time, cheap, very rapid. Just like our trains. 2 The Metro. Glamorous, cheap, wildly convenient, runs into early hours. 3 Trams. Quiet, cheap, zippy, you could take one to most of the stadiums. 4 Taxi drivers. Staggeringly, they were charming.

Gallic transport disaster: Air France to Bristol. A shocker. Utter airport chaos and flying tin cans.

Top stadium: Parc des Princes. Ah, the old bearpit. Rough, rude, raucous.

Upstart venue: The Beaujoire stadium in Nantes. Sensational sweep and riotous atmosphere.

Guts under pressure: Ronan O’Gara (Ireland). The fly-half kept his head up amid reports on his private life and the disappearance of the team around him.

Career vindication: Simon Shaw (England). Dropped 25 times, but his 26th career was sensational.

Tell me it isn’t true: Paul Honiss, the New Zealand referee, becoming the record-holder for Tests in charge.

Oddest exhibition: Cow Parade, Marseilles. On every corner and in every alley, fake bovines suspiciously lurked.

Premature action: coach Eddie O’Sullivan. For receiving a four-year Irish contract.

Restaurant: Le Petit Zinc, Saint Germain. My goodness, the bread was expensive.

Best small French rugby city: Montpellier. Mad for the World Cup, pushed it merrily.

Best big rugby city: Marseilles. Stunning place, assaulting all the senses.

Most stunning scene: Le Vieux Port, Marseilles, as tens of thousands of England fans and delirious French celebrated the victories of their teams over Australia and New Zealand and swore to be blood brothers for less than a week.

French frustrations: 1 Smoking. The warning from the government has obviously been wrongly translated. It comes across as “smoking is good for you, everyone in France must smoke as often as possible, except for attractive young women, who must smoke at all times”. 2 Signage. So if a sign points upwards, does it mean you have to go into the sky? 3 Locals. Engaged in a fiendish plot to divert lost drivers into a remake of Straw Dogs. A gauche ou a droit? Who knows. They didn’t.

Tearful blubs: 1 Martin Scelzo singing the Argentine anthem before the Scotland match. 2 All 22 of the Georgian squad after they beat Namibia. 3 (alleged) Miles Harrison and Stuart Barnes in the ITV box after Puma wins.

Kiwi errors: 1 Believing their own publicity. 2 Acting as unpaid and unwanted conscience for the whole of rugby. 3 Having not one clue how to close out a game. 4 Foisting the increasingly silly haka on others. 5 Blaming everyone but themselves.

Australian strengths: 1 Realising they were mortal. 2 Blaming nobody bar themselves. 3 Being humble enough to take a lead from European rugby. 4 Taking defeat on the chin, with grace. 5 Having a leader as captain in Stirling Mortlock.

Nonperforming players: 1 Brian O’Driscoll (Ireland). 2 Gordon D’Arcy (Ireland). 3 Butch James (South Africa).

Cruelly underused: 1 Aaron Mauger (New Zealand). 2 Danny Hipkiss (England). 3 Yannick Nyanga (France). 4 My gym kit.

Away with the pixies: Bernard Laporte, France coach. The plan was so well hidden, we still don’t know what it was.

Heroes: My newspaper colleagues and rivals, for their constant unmatchable dedication.

Most savaged team: Canada. Every time they came across a referee, video official or a timekeeper, he got it wrong.

Vacancies: 1 Irish tighthead. 2 New Zealand centre. 3 Australian prop. 4 Samoan jumper. 5 Georgian back.

Hidden winners: 1 The England and France clubs system. 2 Mike Burton. 3 The bloke in charge of cost-cutting at media centre catering.

Hidden losers: 1 Domestic rugby systems in Ireland, Scotland and Wales. 2 The Super 14. 3 The bloke who had a gigantic book all ready to go on NZ’s great triumph.