I have kicked a lot of balls in my life, perhaps over a million. The average number of goal-kicks I take per game is maybe four or five, depending upon team tactics. The number of punts adds up to just a few more, something like seven to ten. A single dropped goal and roughly four restarts would be about right, too. In total I might kick the ball at most 20 times.

Each week leading up to the big day, however, I hit about 250 to 300 practice place kicks alone. I average 200 to 250 punts using my left foot and exactly the same number using my right. A daily total of 20 dropped goals with each foot and 15 to 20 restarts, six to seven times a week, would pretty much constitute a solid preparational build-up. That makes a total of about 1,000 kicks to prepare for just 20. That's near enough 50 rehearsals for each single defining event. To me that has been a totally acceptable ratio.

My longest session on record ran for a hefty five hours and then another hour and a half later that same evening. I have been totally obsessive when it comes to getting things right, never stopping until I was happy.

I attributed all of my positive outcomes to the hours upon hours of practice. I tried to give the weekend's game an air of inevitability with the quality and quantity of my preparations. If the experience didn't satisfy my expectations then I saw the result as one of gross injustice (in other words, very bad luck). I didn't mind this so much because in this way I knew my compensation was coming in the form of an equal share of good luck.

This outlook did, however, mean forgoing and sacrificing certain pleasures, like relaxation and just enjoying one's self. I was convinced it was a reasonable deal, though. I would trade all the immediate joy around me at that time for what would undoubtedly be an even greater, more worthwhile and lasting experience further down the line. I did not intend to go laughing, joking, smiling and therefore wasting all my dream savings away. I took this as a severe test of discipline and in doing so I believed it made me stronger and more deserving than my fun-loving competitors.

It worked in many ways but it was a fairly destructive method and the success made it an addictive one. It seemed to touch on my obsessive streak, taking it to a new level, and before long it was getting well out of hand. The final whistles had barely sounded and I had already begun sacrificing for the next weekend, afraid that if I stopped to celebrate and embrace it I would have severe consequences to face.

I thought I was a winner and statistically at times I could back that statement up. After all, I was achieving my goals, but now, today, I wonder if I was achieving anything at all. I was playing a version of life in which I barely featured. I totally negated any contribution of my own.

I was the organiser of my experiences but not the experiencer. I left no room for any personal X factors in the formula by which I ran my life's journey: my theory that what you put in is what you get out. What I'd forgotten all about was growth, enjoyment, natural ability, life. Me.

I couldn't find a way to enjoy what I was achieving because I didn't perceive myself - my natural talent and instincts - to be playing any real part in it, therefore I didn't warrant the success. I was living the old adage - and only this: “How do I get to Carnegie Hall? Practice, practice, practice.” On top of this I was scared to upset the equation.

I was earning a good living but not living a good life. I was frightened to cash in my chips in case it came back to hurt me later on, where my “fabulous” future lay.

Talent and natural ability represent our instinctive and creative sides. They are an expression of our true selves and the bits which make us brilliant. We all have slightly different “special talents” but they are all equally worthy and deserving. By denying mine, I was denying myself the experience of real life. I no longer want to be afraid to celebrate good performances or enjoy talking about the things I've been involved in. It is not an arrogant desire, more an open expression of gratitude for my gifts and for letting me find a place of value where I can use them.

When I recognise the existence of my talents then I get a better idea of how to add to them. When I become aware of my personal contributions then maybe I can allow myself to have that fabulous future. The one I've been saving for all these years. But maybe I can actually have it today.

Up until now it has been lodged right there in the future, just out of arm's reach. I always felt that if I could survive the next big challenge, it would be there waiting for me, but it's been waiting a hell of a long time. Now, perhaps, I think I might start enjoying it.

Power to the people: we all have means to determine our futures

It is astounding when I think about the power we all possess to determine our futures. We can decide that we want to achieve something and despite the number of variables, the obscene odds, the sheer volume of competition and even the absurdity of the request, we can still fashion our own path towards it.

As a hyperactive nine-year-old I had already drawn up my first list of goals for my future. Clearly outlined at the top was playing for England and winning a World Cup. I was given a great piece of advice to help me realise my dreams - it is simply, in my mind and my actions, to become the sort of person who already has what he wants. That way, if the world is to settle into the proper rhythm of cause and effect with my lifestyle, then it is going to have to fall in line with me sooner or later.

When I have an honest and deep-rooted confidence in something it is normally because I am channelling my thoughts and intentions effectively. I am so focused, it is almost as if I am consumed by what I am doing. The concentration of energy becomes a very effective and powerful tool (a bit like a laser, I suppose). When I allow myself to feel great, letting in only the most positive and optimistic thoughts, then great things start to happen. When I decide to let instinct and compassion drive me instead of judgment, then good people seem to appear in my life and nice things begin to occur for them, too.

What helped me to notice this first, however, was in fact the flip side of the coin. It was the impact of my negative and self-pitying moods.

The mornings when I got out of bed the wrong side or woke up feeling a little off were so often followed by awful “why me?” days when everything just seemed to go wrong. Have you ever stepped back to look at the damage you cause in other people's lives when you are concerned only with moaning about your own misfortune or taking out your frustrations on them? I did, and I started to look at how all those bad days could easily have been great for me and those around me if only I'd shaken off the ill-feeling.

If I open my eyes and I feel a little low, with a touch of anger now, I take a bit of time to drive the negativity away. I concentrate on how lucky I am to be in the position I am, with the friends I have around me. I inspire myself by concentrating on thoughts of what might happen in my life if I really pull out all the stops and how I could help others to achieve their goals, too. I retain a memory of something which makes me laugh out loud and I make sure I leave my front door with a smile on my face. I choose to have a great day and in doing so I choose to help my colleagues at least have the option of a good one, too.

As long as I never stop trying to achieve more my route will be OK

If I stop to consider how any one of the many factors that make up my life today came into being, I will find its path littered with coincidences and chance. If I trace my life back far enough I will notice some nonsensical and, to be honest, unfeasibly ridiculous moments when my path crossed with someone or something at just the right time.

At other times important people appeared from nowhere and stepped into my life and made it better. There were also instances when my world was turned upside down, my trust tested and my ego crushed. I know now some of these moments actually saved my career in so many ways and others somehow managed to make me a better and stronger-performing person.

Back then I was blind and deaf to all this. Nowadays I try to listen to what my experiences are telling me - I truly believe the world has my best interests at heart - provided I am prepared to fight for those interests in the right way. I realise now I shouldn't be afraid when some new, unexpected (and probably unwelcome at the time) avenue suddenly opens up in front of me. I am on my way down a new road now, but my dreams and hopes are still the same as when I set off. As long as I never stop trying to achieve more, and to follow my dreams, then the route will be OK. It might not look exactly like the perfect map I envisioned at the beginning; I believe, instead, that it will turn out to be going somewhere far better.

That all makes sense to me now. Sort of, at least. But it certainly didn't for a very long time and I suffered because of it. If I hadn't worried so much, I would have made more of my time. And if I'd done that, I would have enjoyed life to a far greater extent and I might even have got to more or less where I was wanting to be a lot quicker.

I am still trying to make sense of all this. I probably never will. But I don't think that's a problem in the least. What I do know is that I feel a lot better in myself and enjoy life and success a lot more now. A lot more. And that's important. How can I explain? About how we can take in what is happening around us, the people, places and things, the good and the bad, and utilise them to move forward? It is a bit like creating a painting.

How we physically influence the outcome and mentally perceive what happens in front of our eyes determines the kind of picture of life that we will paint. Without our perceptions there is no real world out there. Our interpretations of what we see, taste, hear, touch and smell give us our attitudes, our limits, our successes and our failures. They give us the memories of our pasts and dreams of our futures.

These and all the emotions which go hand in hand with them become the colours from which we can choose when we want to begin the painting process. Our actions, which are driven by our feelings, offer us the opportunity to live; they let us go out and leave a mark, they put the brush in our hands. Actions cause things to happen and from those outcomes we learn, we improve and we find the best path for an amazing existence. We make our own masterpiece. And it all starts from a blank canvas.

I base my perceptions and beliefs on a natural desire for peace and the desire to experience exciting opportunities. The quality of how I see things determines how much of my zest for doing good stuff, for being brilliant if you like, manages to shine through. We can all shuffle our views and interpretations around a bit to make a better life. Just look at the way we are able to put the past behind us and reinvent ourselves, if we so choose. We can throw away yesterday's painting and begin afresh tomorrow.

To make the best of life, sometimes you need to run into a few dead-ends and sometimes you have to be prepared to drop back and look at your painting from different angles. Once or twice we may be required to go back to the start before the realisation of the helpful or unhelpful really sinks in.

How ambition can be infectious

“I don't want to lose” is not the same sort of thought as “I want to win”. The message that this focus emits is totally different. The first is almost a plea for mercy which gives away any power you have as you cry out to be spared by chance.

The latter is an eminently stronger, more proactive intention which forces you to look inside and uncover the innate strength we all possess for making things happen.

As a member of an underdog team I have been pipped at the post too many times because when potential glory loomed, the grip of fear was stronger than the liberating effect of ambition. Fear is negative and inhibiting; ambition is positive and motivating. The effect is manifested in a team as a whole.

Focus the key to putting mind over matter

What we focus our minds on is more often than not what we end up with - well, pretty much what we end up with. There is a slight difference. In my head I can hit the ideal kick over and over again. In real life I probably can't but I reckon with the right preparation, understanding and conditions, like the ones in my mind, I could get damn close.

Practising flawlessly in the mind without even venturing anywhere near a field can actually improve my physical skills and begin to close the gap between imagination and reality. There is no harm in striving for perfection, there is only good. With my thoughts and imagination I am drawing the experience towards myself. With great actions I can finally receive it.