IF THERE was an experimental law variation to ban pouting and throwing toys out of the pram, there would have been blanket red cards among rugby officials and observers in New Zealand and Australia. Poor dears.

The news from the ELVs conference at Lensbury last week, where the great, good and ghastly gathered to debate which of the experiments might be approved, was precisely as we predicted. Those tests that had not already been sent back to the Frankensteins of the International Rugby Board’s awful Laws Project Group were voted out of existence. The main European unions took a lead, South Africa finally revealed their dislike for the measures and other unions weighed in.

The official release was amusing. They could hardly say “IRB and southern hemisphere routed” or “Laws Project Group humiliated”. It set off with a list of ELVs that were carried for adoption. Impressive, except they were all meaningless or merely removed laws formally from the law book that referees had last applied during the Armistice celebrations. All the other main measures bar two (from an original 40-plus), including the maul law, lineout numbers and the bonkers “sanctions” laws, were rejected.

The reference to the sanctions measure in the release did contain a rider — there would be further investigations. This enabled David Nucifora, one of the Australian delegates, to claim on Friday that the northern hemisphere is coming round and that the sanctions law (endless free kicks, cheating and tip-and-run) could yet be applied in some form. I have spoken to some of the unions, David. Yes, there is a chance. And it barks.

Only two measures that were not pure housekeeping got through, the five-metre offside line at the scrum and the law preventing teams from taking the ball back to their 22 and gaining ground with a kick to touch. These could yet be voted down next month.

The pouters have claimed that the European unions attacked measures that they had not even trialled, such as the sanctions laws, which were run only Down Under. That is a bit like saying you cannot have an opinion on being murdered if you have never been murdered yourself.

In any case, even relative neutrals at the meeting say the European unions, led by the English, Welsh and Irish, presented a far more informed, sober, comprehensive and convincing analysis of the ELVs than the IRB itself or the “four legs good, two legs bad” approach of the deep South.

What next? Resignations, surely. The LPG is totally discredited. Rod Macqueen of Australia, Graham Mourie of New Zealand and Bill Nolan of Scotland, the prime movers, must surely go. The new body must contain a better balance and far more current coaching and playing wisdom — the McGeechans, Gatlands and Henrys must join Australia’s old guru Dick Marks. The group must never again become so detached, must never again suggest more than two measures in any one law-making sequence.

And finally, last week we saw a rare outbreak of harmony and block voting from the Six Nations, who between them and their allies muster a majority of votes in the world game. They showed where rugby’s power resides. This season’s rugby has been awful, all around the world. That is no coincidence.

The idea of Six Nations block voting terrifies the TriNations, who have block voted for years. It really would give them something to pout about.