MY HEART AND SOUL WAS TIED TO Arsenal with a fisherman’s knot. I don’t think even Houdini could have unravelled it. Not for one minute did I see myself leaving. There was only ever one club in England, let alone London, and that was the Arsenal. That was before the 2004–05 season. That was before something precious was smashed into tiny pieces.

It all started while I was sitting in the sunshine at Sopwell House, the hotel in Hertfordshire used by England before we flew out to Portugal for Euro 2004, when an eager voice called out, “Ashley!” Mr Dein was stood there. He told me I wasn’t earning enough and my salary was going to be increased. My face- cracking smile told him all he needed to know. I was buzzing, really buzzing. His tone soon wiped the smile from my face. I felt his attitude suggested he was doing me a favour, like I was a 17-year-old trainee.

The deal he offered was a £10,000-a-week increase to £35,000. A hell of a lot of money. But, when taken in the context of football wages and his own estimated value of me of £20 million, and when placed next to those other Arsenal wages of between £80,000 and £100,000 a week, his offer was a piss-take. It was a slap in the face, not a pat on the back.

By the time José Mourinho and Roman Abramovich came to Highbury for a thrilling 2-2 draw in December 2004, I’d already told my agents what I wanted in terms of a new deal. They thought I’d lost my marbles. But I loved Arsenal, couldn’t imagine playing for another club and wanted to stay. “So get me £60,000 a week and I’ll be happy with that,” I said.

The next thing I know, on December 20, Jonathan (Barnett) is on the phone with good news: “Ash, I’ve just met David Dein for breakfast at Claridge’s; we’ve shaken on £60,000 a week.” As it turned out, the Arsenal board had other ideas about rubber-stamping Mr Dein’s recommendation. At a board meeting held two days before our 1–0 away defeat at Bolton in January, it was decided the maximum offer should be £55,000 a week. I don’t believe the board gave a damn about keeping me. It preferred to haggle over a difference of £5,000.

IT WAS A GOOD JOB I WAS WELL AWAY from it all, driving to Mum’s house in Chigwell as agent and vice-chairman locked horns in an office in Central London later that month. Somewhere along the A406 North Circular Road, one telephone call changed everything about how I viewed and felt about Arsenal.

“Ash! Are you listening?” said a virtually hyperventilating Jonathan. “I’m here in the office and David Dein is saying they aren’t going to give you £60k a week. They’ve agreed £55k and this is their best and final offer. Are you happy with that?”

When I heard Jonathan repeat the figure of £55k, I nearly swerved off the road. “He is taking the piss, Jonathan!” I yelled down the phone. I was so incensed. I was trembling with anger. I couldn’t believe what I’d heard. I suppose it all started to fall apart for me from then on. I’d trusted Mr Dein to push the deal through.

The next month I met Mr Dein at his house, set back off a dark, leafy road on the outskirts of North London, about 15 minutes’ drive from me. He tried turning the screw on the salary. I told him that I thought someone on the board had it in for me, didn’t like me or wanted to see me go. How else could he explain the squabble over £5k?

I just laid it on the line. “I feel betrayed and let down by a club I’ve given my heart and soul to.” I told him I had wanted to re-sign for Arsenal, but the whole thing had left me feeling upset and confused.

One week later, I got a call on the mobile from Jonathan. “Did you tell David Dein that you wanted to re-sign for Arsenal?” I’d said I had wanted to re-sign for Arsenal, “had” being the operative word, and the vice-chairman had somehow twisted my words.

It seemed to me he was letting me down at every turn. And if he thought relations had soured because of the infamous Chelsea incident at the Royal Park Hotel in January he was mistaken. Relations had soured the moment that he went back on a verbal agreement in December.

TWO DAYS BEFORE I WAS OFFICIALLY interviewed, on tape, by the FAPL investigators, Arsenal played Bolton at the Reebok on Saturday, March 12, in the sixth round of the FA Cup. I was relegated to the bench. This felt like a punishment dressed up as fatigue and that’s what pissed me off.