Gurning: held at Egremont Crab Fair, Cumbria, since 1267. Contestants spend 30 seconds attempting their best Cilla Black impressions while praying the wind doesn’t change. Serious folk may prefer the pipe-smoking contest.
September 18; call 01946 820693

Snail racing: more than 200 snails slug it out over a 13-inch course at Congham, Norfolk. The winner gets a lettuce-stuffed tankard; and the record is held by the 1995 champion, Archie — 2min 20sec, or 0.0005mph. A bit faster than cricket, then.
July 17; call 01485 600650

Worm-charming: staged at Willaston, Cheshire, where a school field is divided into 10ft squares and competitors try all kinds of exotic methods to draw out the wigglers. Starts 2pm; early birds not welcome.
June 26; call 01270 663957

Flounder-tramping: for the uninitiated, that’s treading on fish. Underequipped anglers gather at Palnackie, in Dumfries & Galloway, and proceed to stamp in the Urr estuary until a flatfish passes by. Glory goes to whoever can trap the most flounders using feet alone.
July 31; call 01556 600253 to confirm the date