It’s hard to tell if Hilary Koob-Sassen is taking the mickey. He’s standing in the middle of his “narrative formations” (sculptures) in an east London gallery talking ... well, judge for yourself.

“I’m trying to evoke a chunky syntactical octopus,” he says. He speaks very fast, agitated but amiable. “I’m constructing a trellis of armaturalism. This is the vernacular of errorism. See?”

Of course I don’t, but I don’t care. This all sounds five-star bonkers, and despite (or perhaps because of) this torrent of verbiage, Koob-Sassen is vastly entertaining. And today, he’s the highlight of a very different sort of art tour: an insider’s prowl around the East End avant garde.

Some critics, including The Sunday Times’s own Waldemar Januszczak, argue the scene is already past its peak, but the dozens of galleries and hundreds of artists working in the area disagree. Now, Exhibit-K allows you to judge for yourself. The tour company is the brainchild of two enterprising former RCA students, and artists in their own right, Sarah Douglas and Mimei Thompson. Two years ago, seeing the vast interest in the East End scene that nurtured the likes of Tracey Emin, they started taking corporate clients on tours of their contacts, to obscure galleries and studios. Now, they’ve hooked up with a City hotel to offer the tours to the general public.

“People have heard about the East End art scene, but don’t know where to start,” says Sarah. “These galleries can be very elitist. We guide people through to ensure they get an explanation of the work from the curator or the artists themselves.”

OFF WE go then on our two-hour whizz around five galleries. First stop, Museum 52, a couple of tiny rooms off a side street in Shoreditch, and some full-on conceptual work – Valerie Hegarty’s “found objects and mixed media” show, View from Thanatopsis. “She’s exploring the American obsession with their own lack of history,” we’re told.

It’s classical paintings and furniture riddled with what look like bullet holes, or chewed at the edges; best is a painting of Niagara Falls that has been treated to look as if it’s been over the falls itself: torn, bowed, water-damaged and rusted at one end. I love it.

“Sorry, not for sale,” I’m told. “Saatchi’s bought it already, for $25,000.”

Then it’s on to Dalston and V22, housed in an old factory, for a Peter Jones painting show. To me, the work looks dull, amateurish and gloomy. I whisper as much to Sarah.

“Don’t worry, there’ll be another exhibition along in a minute,” she smiles. And she’s right, we’re on to The Drawing Room: here, 200 artists, from unknowns to the likes of Antony Gormley and the Chapman brothers, were sent blank A4 pieces of paper and asked to return them with whatever they liked. Dalston My favourite is a delicate wood veneer cutout by Ray Cooke that reads “Some C*** from Hendon”. I can’t say why: it just makes me smile.

Mimei catches me staring.

“I like this, but it’s probably a bit sixth form,” I say.

“So what’s wrong with sixth form?” she replies.

And there’s the liberating thing about these tours. In the company of people who really know their artistic onions, you’re given licence to say exactly what you think. Normally I wouldn’t open my mouth in galleries for fear of ridicule, but with East End heavyweights like Sarah and Mimei in our gang, nobody’s going to push us around. They’re conceptual minders.

Two more galleries – including Koob-Sassen’s tour de force at T1+2 in Bethnal Green – and then it’s back for brunch and a heated discussion at the Great Eastern Hotel, by Liverpool Street station. It’s like a slightly boozy version of Newsnight Review. Maybe it’s all pretentious drivel, but so what? A two-hour crash course and a good belt of vodka has turned us from tremulous ignoramuses to Pseuds Corner candidates, and we’ve loved every second.

My favourite “piece” remains Hegarty’s Niagara Falls, the one Saatchi just beat me to. Others, though, thought Koob-Sassen himself (rather than his work) was the best exhibit we saw. I turn to our guide for an explanation.

What was he on about?

“Search me,” says Sarah happily. “But whatever he’s doing, he’s pretty good at it.”

Travel details: art tours from the Great Eastern Hotel (www.london.greateastern.hyatt.com ), plus a three-course brunch with unlimited wine, cost £80pp. An overnight package, including the above plus a double room at the hotel, is £276 for two; book on 020 7618 5010.