Lesley rolls her eyes and I move on. With no sign of my case, it’s time for Plan B: finding something that will do for the hen do. In a display case of lost souvenirs, wooden bears stand on the starched skirts of big-haired dolls in national dress; a hand-grenade cigarette lighter (at least, I hope that’s what it is) and a pair of Lulu Guinness sunglasses rest on a Moroccan tea tray.

As I stare speculatively at the toupees, weighing up potential versus hygiene, Lovejoy-lookalike Bob flicks expertly through a pile of CDs. Spotting my chance to get some decent advice, I ask for bidding tips. “Have a good look at what you’re interested in, then decide how much it’s worth to you,” he counsels.

“I did get carried away once and bought a thousand umbrellas,” he admits sheepishly. “I didn’t realise how much room a thousand umbrellas could take up. I couldn’t even fit them in the car.”

When the auction begins, bidding is brisk: lots start at £5, rising in £2 increments. A Timberland holdall containing towels goes for £6; a Kipling bag (my hopes soar, but no, it isn’t mine) containing men’s clothes goes for £7. Half an hour in, I gain confidence and – against Bob’s advice – whimsically bid on a crate containing bric-a-brac, hoping there’ll be something hen-do-ish inside. And, sold! It’s mine for £6.

Later, in the car park, I open the box and peer inside... I have until September to build a hen night around a torch, a pack of AF291 Hoover bags, an M&S Easy Pasta recipe book and Flummoxed – the foreign language bluffer’s game.

Greasby’s auctions are held every Tuesday, at 10.30am, at Longley Road, Tooting, SW17 (020 8672 2972, www.greasbys.co.uk ). Other lost-luggage auctions take place at Wellers Auctions (01932 568 678, www.wellers-auctions.co.uk ) in Guildford and at BCVA (0117 9533676 www.dnfa.com/bcva ) in Bristol

Lost-luggage tactics

Before you fly Attach luggage tags giving your flight details and a contact number. Customise luggage with coloured labels or ribbons. Mark the inside of bags with your name and a contact number.

At check-in Ensure the clerk attaches barcode labels securely. Put your baggage receipts – usually stuck to the back of your boarding pass or passport – in a safe place.

At the airline desk Your luggage is missing. Present baggage receipts and describe your bag. Take a copy of the paperwork, a telephone number and the name of a supervisor before leaving the airport. Ask about expenses to cover essential items: some airlines offer cash on request.

Two days later By now, 85% of lost luggage is back with its owners. Keep receipts for essential purchases made during this period and get progress reports if your bag hasn’t been located.

Twenty-one days later According to the Montreal Convention, your luggage is now officially lost. You are entitled to a maximum of £820 compensation from the airline, exclusive of any other sums paid, but you could do better claiming on travel insurance.