We can’t bear this

The new Bartie Bristle Hotel and Spa (01590 612097; doubles from £80), in Beaulieu, is catering for... teddy bears. The price includes a pot of honey on arrival, a pampering session and picnic outings. Steam baths, “bear-tox” treatments and cosmetic surgery can be arranged. “Our vision is to create an environment where today’s overstretched urban teddy can escape to recharge the batteries in surroundings of unashamed luxury,” said resort manager Julie Tatchell. No, really, she did.

Monty Burns would not approve

Full marks to Universal Studios Florida for opening the theme park’s first green ride: LED lighting and computer-controlled motors mean it will use less than half the electricity of equivalent simulators. Good stuff, but what are they simulating? It’s a day with the Simpsons – led by Homer, the world’s favourite toxic-waste-dumping nuclear-power-plant employee. Doh!

It was good enough for Henry VIII

This year’s Hampton Court Palace festival, starting on June 3, should be a goody, with Van Morrison and Rufus Wainwright. But why is the “official hotel” the Athenaeum, on Piccadilly – a good hour and a half away in London traffic? “The stars didn’t want to be in Hampton,” sighs a spokesperson. Harsh, but fair.

Booze you can chew

We all like puddings. We all like cocktails. But all that eating and drinking’s a bit of a chore. Wouldn’t it be easier to do both at once? Nip down to the bar at London’s super-posh Pearl restaurant, on High Holborn (020 7288 7000), and you can: its new dessert cocktail menu includes rhubarb custard crumble (rum, rhubarb syrup, lime, custard foam and crumble pieces) and lemon meringue pie (Absolut Citron vodka, lemon liqueur, sugar, lemon juice and a meringue plonked on top). Something that makes you fat and drunk at the same time – we call that genius.

Inside story

The ghoulish but compelling National Museum of Crime and Punishment (www.crimemuseum.org) opens in Washington DC on May 23, complete with lie-detector tests, DNA-analysis machines, car-chase simulators... and a mocked-up morgue. Entrance is a punitive £9.50, mind. But don’t even think about sneaking in without paying: if you’re caught, it has a pillory, a torture chamber and an electric chair to choose from.