One May morning about 2,000 years ago, somewhere in Roman Britain, the sun finally peeped out from behind the clouds – and an optimistic centurion, realising that spring really did come to this overcast edge of empire, hacked down a tree, decorated it with garlands and skipped around it, thanking the goddess Flora for her munificence.

Thus began May Day – and it remains a time of dancing and delight nationwide. Our bank-holiday festivities have moved on a bit since Roman times, though. They still involve maypoles, but the castles are bouncy and the horses tend to be attached to carousel rides.

Here is our last-minute guide to the sprightliest May Monday happenings across the country, including not just morris men and May queens, but something for everyone, even cheese-rollers.

SOUTHEAST ENGLAND

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The big event: “an extravaganza of traditional Britain”, promises the poster for Rochester’s weekend-long Sweeps Festival – conjuring visions of tea and biscuits, raffles and tombolas, hope and glory. Fear not: this is a really vibrant affair, as the entire town is invaded by jangling morris men and sooty-faced chimney sweeps, all marshalled by a mad-eyed giant called Jack-in-the-Green.

The festival revives a 400-year-old party to mark the chimney sweeps’ May Day holiday. Tonight sees a mini music festival at hostelries across the town; but the climax comes at 2.45pm tomorrow, with the grand procession of sweeps to the castle gardens. Call 01634 843666.

Best of the rest: if that’s not olde worlde enough for you, try the May Revels at Hever Castle (£11.50, children £6.30; 01732 865224, www.hevercastle.co.uk), with a Tudor theme and another costumed giant – Henry VIII.

In London, it’s the Little Venice Canalway Cavalcade (07876 597941, www.waterways.org.uk), with 100 or more vintage narrow boats in festive flotilla formation tonight (9pm) and tomorrow (3pm). Hastings hosts its own Jack-in-the-Green Festival (free; 0845 274 1001, www.visit1066country.com/hastings); and in Henley-on-Thames, kids go quackers at the Duck Derby on Mill Meadows (free; 01491 573192, www.visitthames.co.uk).

WEST COUNTRY

The big event: prepare for a mass throwing down of gauntlets and simpering of damsels at the two-day Medieval Fair in Salisbury, beginning at 11am today. In a daring move, the city’s cathedral has chosen to mark its 750th anniversary with a bellicose clash of mace on shield, as 14th-century knights do battle in a full-scale tourney in the cathedral close.

Meanwhile, a medieval craft fair will peddle everything from replica weapons to hand-painted pottery – swords and saucery. The event is on tomorrow, too; tickets cost £10/£4.50. Call 01722 320333 or visit www.salisburycathedral.org.uk.

Best of the rest: perhaps the most picturesque of all May Day gatherings is on the harbour in St Ives (free; 01736 796297), with brass-band concerts complementing the queen-crowning and maypole-twirling. There are similar shenanigans in Devon, at the Stoke Gabriel May Fayre (£1/50p; 01803 782340); while in Bath, the Spring Flower Show is in full bloom (until tomorrow; £7.50/free; 0844 847 5256, www.visitbath.co.uk).

EAST OF ENGLAND

The big event: it could only be in England – Elvis, Andy Pandy and the Tin Man tripping over each other as they attempt to push a cheese down the high street, in gardening gloves, at high speed. The cheese-rolling championship in Stilton, Cambridgeshire, is slightly more genteel than its breakneck sister event at Cooper’s Hill, Gloucestershire (staged on May 26, by the way) – but only slightly. Tomorrow’s races involve fancy-dressed foursomes finagling their faux stiltons (they’re made of wood) along the high street. The all-day madness also takes in mummers, a May queen, bouncy castles and beer. It kicks off at 10am; call 01733 241206 or visit www.stilton.org.

Best of the rest: for more sedate May Monday revelry – parades, pole-dancing and the like – choose between Bircham Windmill, near King’s Lynn, Norfolk (free; 01485 578393, www.birchamwindmill.co.uk) and the Museum of East Anglian Life in Stowmarket, Suffolk (£6.50/£3.50; 01449 612229, www.eastanglianlife.org.uk). Or build and fly your own kite at Layer Marney Tower, near Colchester (today and tomorrow; £4.25/£2.75; 01206 330784, www.layermarneytower.co.uk).

WALES AND THE WEST

The big event: how do you fancy a go on a spruced-up set of 1920s “flying chairs”? Or an original 1886 “galloper” steam carousel? Both are going like the clappers this weekend at Llandudno’s Victorian Extravaganza, the ultimate vintage funfair. Begun 20 years ago by grime-stained steam buffs, it now fills the town with fire-eaters, escapologists, stiltwalkers and policemen on chickens. Visitors are very much invited to join in: frock up in your top hat or bustle and join the parades (today and tomorrow at noon). Call 01492 876413 or visit www.victorian-extravaganza.co.uk.

Best of the rest: the May bank-holiday bash in Cardiff feels more modern, with street theatre and music staged bang on the Bay Edge waterfront (free; www.cardiffharbour.com). And action heroes of all ages will love the “University of the Great Outdoors” at Eastnor Castle, Herefordshire, which will be offering have-a-go sessions in 29 sporty activities, from grass sledging to off-road driving (£8/£5; 01531 633160, www.visitherefordshire.co.uk).

NORTH OF ENGLAND

The big event: this weekend’s most eye-catching waterside event is in the Yorkshire Dales, where nearly 100 narrow boats have gathered for a floating fancy-dress parade at the Skipton Waterway Festival. A marquee on the canalside promenade is staging a three-day jamboree of music, majorettes, magic shows and more, and it all bubbles up nicely to tonight’s headline happening (9pm), when everyone gathers to oooh and aaah over an illuminated procession of fairy-lit boats. It continues tomorrow (01756 795478, www.penninecruisers.com/festival).

Best of the rest: the National Trust’s Quarry Bank Mill (£9.50/£4.80; 01625 527468, www.nationaltrust.org.uk) in Cheshire provides the perfect backdrop for the May Day Fayre, with its maypole raised in the mill meadow. There are more ribbon-based revels at the trust’s Wallington estate in Northumberland (£9.25/£4.65; 01670 773600, www.nationaltrust.org.uk).

SCOTLAND

The big event: learn how to jitterbug, dress as a soldier, build a lighthouse and break a leg. There’s a bewildering battery of stuff to do this weekend at Show Scotland, a bank-holiday “festival of creativity” hosted by museums across the country. Highlights include a witty mix of the cerebral and the silly at Aberdeen’s Art Gallery, which stages an art-based X Factor show for all-comers.

Elsewhere, you can enlist for a second world war fashion workshop in East Lothian, take your teddy for a picnic in Wanlockhead or scribble and sup on a cartooning pub crawl around St Andrews. Visit www.showscotland.com for full listings.

Best of the rest: there’s rather more grown-up fun at the Spirit of Speyside whisky festival (today and tomorrow; www.spiritofspeyside.com), which includes distillery tours and “tutored nosings”. You could hike away your hangover at the Caithness & Sutherland Walking Festival (until Tuesday; 0808 909 8774, www.walkcaithness.com), or rock out at Big in Falkirk, Scotland’s starriest festival of street arts (ends tonight; free; 0141 552 6027, www.biginfalkirk.com).

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