Britain's best Christmas events

Get your sleigh ready for the best festive events in Britain - and no dodgy Laplands, we promise

Season of goodwill? Tell that to the families who paid £100 to visit Lapland New Forest last week, only to find the promised “winter wonderland” was a few garden sheds in a muddy field.

Some 1,300 people complained about the attraction. Others took more direct action - one irate parent punched Santa in his grotto. As of last Friday, it had shut.

There is, however, a Lapland in Britain that really will bring a sparkle to your kids’ eyes, and you’ll find it below - along with a stocking full of fairs, markets, choirs, parades, roasting robins, frantic fiddlers, freezing swimmers, skating snowmen, figgy puddings, falsetto sock puppets and multilingual talking reindeer, all guaranteed genuinely festive and garden shed-free.

LONDON

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For a Christmas market with character, try Bankside Winter Festival (www.visitsouthwark.com ) - outside Tate Modern - which will open with an atmospheric lantern parade on Friday. There’ll be more than 40 gifts and handicrafts stalls, with a boat parade of Thames cutters on Saturday and husky-sled rides for the under12s that weekend and the one following.

The biggest fair in town, though, is the second Hyde Park Winter Wonderland, which runs through to January 4 (www. hydeparkwinterwonderland.com ). It might be a bit theme-park-ish for some, but the free-to-enter event was a roaring success last year - as more than 500,000 visitors will testify. This time around, they’ve added a 200ft toboggan snowslide to the big wheel, skating rink, helter-skelter, rides, stalls and cafes.

Naturally, London has to get a bit alternative about things, too. Santa’s grotto? How predictable: the London Dungeon is getting into the antifestive mood with its Satan’s Grotto, where the prince of darkness holds court surrounded by blackened Christmas trees, icy spider webs and robins roasting on an open fire (£20.95, children £15.95; www.thedungeons.com ).

Along the river at the South-bank Centre, pantomime bawdiness is pushed a tad further than normal with Sinderella: The Twisted Tale of a Christmas Crack Whore (Queen Elizabeth Hall, December 18-20, from £20; www.southbankcentre.co.uk ). Is it really called that? Oh yes it is.

SOUTHEAST

The Isle of Wightsteam railway runs its Santa specials right up until Christmas Eve, when he makes a mad dash back to the Pole. He’ll dole out the pressies and supply mince pies in the vintage heated carriages; a bouncy castle and magic shows round off the 10-mile circular trip. Prices start at £13 (under15s from £9, under5s from £7); to book, call 01983 885923 or visit www.iwsteamrailway.co.uk .

Over in Brighton, the best family party is the Winter Ceilidh at the Corn Exchange on December 20. Local maestros the Sussex Pistols will have you reeling and jigging to frantic fiddle tunes from 7pm. Parents get a bar to cool down, while kids have their own staffed chillout room. Really. Tickets cost £8 (children £5); 01273 709709, www.brightondome.org .

The mega-production that is Lapland UK has arrived at Bewl Water Estate, Kent. Unlike its New Forest namesake, this one really does cast a Christmas spell, in a snowdome with full-size log cabins, elves’ workshops, a gingerbread kitchen, huskies and Santa himself. Little ones boggle at the scene - it’s beautifully done - while adults boggle at the price (from £75). It runs until Christmas Eve; 0871 221 9627, www.laplanduk.co.uk .

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