By tomorrow morning, the carcass will have been picked clean by jackals, hyenas, vultures and warthogs, which are particularly partial to a stomach full of predigested grass. Nearby, a glowering leopard holds a staring competition with tourists and cameramen from her spot in the lower limbs of an olive tree. High above her, wedged in a place the species was never supposed to reach, hangs a juvenile wildebeest cooking slowly, pungently in the sun.

Over towards the Talek River, an innovative hunting coalition of three brother cheetahs is road-testing a new meal plan. With the plains so rammed with ruminants, their traditional method of painstakingly stalking their prey before knocking it flat in a 70mph impact seems unnecessarily subtle, so they try a more brazen approach.

A herd of zebras seem to laugh in disbelief as the young toughs break cover and saunter towards the open-mouthed vegetarians like a trio of Hell’s Angels walking into an Islington gastropub. A topi performs a double take. The thomson’s gazelles grab their kids and run. The warthogs hoist tails and scarper, but still the cheetahs approach. By now, the zebras have realised that someone is going to get hurt, but the wildebeest, bless ’em, are still sniffing the white flowers that litter the plain.

For a long moment, the silence is broken only by a nearby Big Cat Diary researcher chatting on her radio, then all hell breaks loose. It’s a Byronesque moment, as the cheetah comes down like a wolf on the fold, his cohorts gleaming in black and in gold, and the sheen of their teeth like the stars on the sea, as the ungulates scatter, praying please God, not me. After five minutes of thunderous mayhem, the dust settles and the survivors look back to see another wildebeest dying in the dust, its legs in spasm and its arterial blood smeared like a drag queen’s lipstick across grinning cheetah lips.

Safari with Alan Carr and Cleo Rocos

The comedian and his companion ignores the guidebook and lives to tell the tale on safari in South Africa

• The smart safari guide

On the elephant trail in South Africa

Charlotte Hunt-Grubbe had only just got the hang of tracking elephants in South Africa when the herd decided to come after her

• A retreat to South Africa's winelands

• South African safari lodge legend

• A walk on the wild side of Kenya

A wild time in Zambia with the kids

David James Smith took his timid but enraptured family on safari in Zambia. Mercifully, they also tracked down a Jacuzzi

• Aaronovitch on a family safari of Zambia

• The world’s top safaris

• Zambia in the wet season

10 classic wildlife tales

Travel news editor Ginny McGrath picks her favourite animal encounters from the Times Online wildlife archive

Related Internet Links

• More close encounters in our Wildlife section

Related Links

• Safari with Alan Carr and Cleo Rocos

There’s no time to mourn, though. A caracal has been spotted several miles to the north, and it’s at times like this that the quality of the outfit you’ve booked with is proven. Everybody knows that the caracal - from the Turkish kara kulak, meaning black ears - is an African lynx. Fewer, perhaps, are aware that this not-so-big cat is a nocturnal hunter rarely seen by day.

Bumping across Paradise Plain, the hot smell of oat grass and wildebeest dung oddly reminiscent of an English dairy farm, we drop down to a rocky lugga, a dry river bed. Mika, my Masai guide, is sceptical. This is leopard turf, and there’s no love lost between felines. I’m scanning the shadows with a pair of image-intensifying 16 x 50 binoculars. Mika is using the naked eye. Guess who spots our caracal first.

There’s one more surprise in store on this single, remarkable day. The sun has set behind a lone acacia and the stars are pricking the brief African dusk. I’m sunburnt, dusty and bruised from a day on the plains, and looking forward to the long, civilised alfresco supper that awaits at camp. Suddenly, Mika slams on the brakes and points into the gloom.

“See the serval?” he cries. I strain my eyes and shake my head. “There,” he insists. Then I see it: the smallest of the big cats. Mika is mightily amused. “In one day,” he chuckles, counting the cats off on his fingers, “we’ve seen lions, leopards, cheetahs, a caracal and now a serval. That’s all five Mara felines. What is the date today, please?” I tell him, and he smiles as he pushes the Land Cruiser into gear. “I will write about this day in my journal,” he says, revealing, to my utter delight, that even the Masai keep Big Cat Diaries.

Chris Haslam was a guest of the Kenyan Tourist Board (www.magicalkenya.com ), Exodus and Kenya Airways (020 8283 1818, www.kenya-airways.com ) which offers return flights to Nairobi from £480

Travel details: Exodus (0845 330 6009, www.exodus.co.uk ) has an eight-day Photographic Safari, staying at KichecheMigra-tion Camp and Lake Nakuru Lodge, from £2,995pp, including overnight flights from Heath-row to Nairobi with Kenya Airways, accommodation, domestic flights, most meals and safaris with an expert photographer. Non-photography-based safaris start at £1,599pp. Or try Visions of Africa (0845 345 0065, www.visionsofafrica.co.uk ), or Rainbow Tours (020 7226 1004, www.rainbowtours.co.uk ).

HOW TO STAY AHEAD OF THE GAME
Get inside:a lot of camps are outside the park, meaning your safari is book-ended with two-hour drives along bumpy tracks. If possible, stay inside. Consider Kicheche Bush Camp (www.kicheche.com ), Entim Mara (www.entim-mara.com ) and Little Governors’ Camp (www.governorscamp.com ).

Think small:the smaller the camp, the lower the ratio of guests to vehicles.

Go long:how long are the game drives? Two hours is feeble. Four hours in the morning and four in the afternoon is adequate, but aim for full days, with sunrise starts and breakfast, lunch and cocktails in the bush.

Check the guides:the Kenya Professional Safari Guides Association does the certifying, and yours should have attained at least the bronze award. About 100 guides have reached silver, but book with the Nairobi-based operator Origins Safaris (www.originsafaris.info ) and you might be able to secure the services of Willis Okech - Kenya’s only gold-badged guide.

Trade secret:book a specialist photographic safari, increasingly popular with nonsnappers who want a more intense experience. Famed for its marathon 14-hour game drives, Exodus has trips guided by the award-winning photographer Paul Goldstein. Or try Wild Arena (www.wildarena.com ) or Photographers on Safari (www.photographersonsafari.com ).

Times recommends

• Oasis of the Seas: the Times review
• The 20 best new year party places to stay
• Green Spaces 2009: are you the winning writer?