Andrew Quested
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You can’t blow the red dust off the history of Australia without revealing larks and larrikins.
Take Harry, the first camel to set hoof in Australia. He had a nasty temper and often bit his handlers and attacked goats. He even managed to shoot his owner. (Lesson: never reload gun while riding crotchety camel, especially with barrel pointing at face.)
Subsequent camels were not much better behaved, but they did have the virtue of being able to clomp about the hot and empty middle bits of Australia without much water.
It was the otherwise bungling explorers Burke and Wills who introduced Afghan handlers for their camels, and the exploration of the country owes much to these chaps - so much so that the north-south rail route that crosses the continent was named after them - the Ghan.
If they’d had any idea of the levels of service that would become available, they would have called it the Glam. The Glam’s new Platinum Service ups the ante in terms of comfort and luxury. So it should - it costs a fortune. But you do get rather a lot for your money.
Take five small but swish hotel rooms, squeeze them into a train carriage, and you’ve got the basis. Each room features a comfy bench seat, a little writing desk and a small table with stools, which will come in handy if your mates happen to drop by. There’s also an ensuite bathroom with a stylish stainless-steel toilet, a basin, a mirror, and a relatively roomy shower. Not bad for a train.
At night, a double bed (or two singles, if you prefer) magically appears. Regular train travellers will be pleased to know that there are no rattling doors or cupboards, so no creaking and squeaking to keep you awake as the train trundles along.
Such nifty bits may not sound like a big deal, but on a long train journey, they are essential. The trip between Adelaide and Darwin takes the best part of three days and two nights, but with Platinum Service, time gracefully and elegantly swishes by like bits of a dream.
You spend most of your time looking out the window, chatting to your fellow travellers and trying not to get fat. You start off meeting in the lounge car for posh nibbles and a glass of We’re Not Allowed to Call It Champagne. Then you settle into your cabin, where snacks will be waiting. Then... oh, is it lunchtime already?
The food is as excellent as it is frequent. Interestingly, it also often features a little of what you can see from your window. You’ll have the opportunity to taste kangaroo, outback lamb (in a sausage) and even camel. There are, I’m told, 800,000 stray camels hoofing about in the outback, so eating one is a small step toward restoring the natural balance of things. Besides, they taste good.
The next day starts with tea or coffee brought on a tray to your room. Sitting up in bed with the middle of Australia gliding by your generously sized window is sublime.
The sun yawns its way into the grey dawn sky, just as it did a century and a half ago, when explorers were being baked alive while deciding whether they should drink their own urine, lash out on six drops of water or just lie down and die. And there you are, lying in climate-controlled comfort, sipping a fresh brew and deciding whether you should have one lump or two.
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