From The Sunday Times Travel Magazine, October

The Ancient Egyptians called the city Memphis. The Greeks and Romans, Heliopolis. The modern name is a Turkish phrase, meaning ‘victorious city’. But to people across the Middle East, this is forever Umm al-Dunya, ‘the mother of the world’ – and that’s the description that’s most apt.

Whether you’re a hedonistic Cleopatra, hoping to bathe in sybaritic pleasures, or a hard-minded Antony, keen to tick off antiquities, this vast, impervious, conurbation really feels like the mother of world culture – and her capacious bosom caters to all.

In Cairo you’ll find some of the most famous mosques in Islam, one of the oldest universities in the east, and the noblest monuments of the Ottomans.

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You will also find the planet’s most densely populated square kilometre – the medieval city. And then there are the Sphinx, the souks, and the soaks (boozy old expats who still inhabit out-of-the-way corners of this intoxicating place).

The most celebrated attractions, of course, are the pyramids – so don’t expect to commune with them alone. There are, however, plenty of sites that are tourist-free: a quiet religious enclave busy with monks, river islands adorned with palaces, and Muslim cemeteries – the Cities of the Dead – where families live, sleep and work, among the domed mausoleums of the Mamelukes dynasty.

If you want peace, you’ll have to search for it actively. Cairo can feel polluted and crowded; the traffic is ceaseless; and every cab driver thinks it’s his religious duty to honk his horn at least six times a minute. There may come moments when all this drives you to despair – or the first train to Luxor. Yet, even as you flee, you know you will be back. This schizophrenic city is as more-ish as it is mad.

For Antonys

Whereas some famous sites don’t quite live up to expectations, the Pyramids of Giza (Giza suburbs; £5) are grander and more imposing than you’d imagine. Especially so when you know the numbers: two million blocks, 100,000 builders, and 20 years’ construction – per pyramid. Take a tour into the middle of the biggest pyramid (Cheops) at noon: it’s a memorable if claustrophobic and ever-so-slightly creepy experience. Another quintessential adventure is hiring a horse and cantering across the surrounding sands – stables are scattered around the perimeters.

Smaller than Giza’s pyramids, the Pyramids of Saqqara (30km south of Cairo; £5) still pack a hefty historical punch: the Step Pyramid of Zoser is the oldest freestanding building in the world. For that reason you aren’t allowed to climb it. However, it’s well worth clambering up into the nearby hills – from here you can see all the ancient treasures of the Cairene basin: Giza’s pyramids to the north, the red pyramids of Dahshur to the south, and the tomb-filled deserts in the west.

There’s a story about Cairo: that one day they pulled down the wall of an empty lot to find 50,000 people living inside, hitherto unsuspected. A walk through the pullulating streets of the Islamic Quarter (nearest metro Ataba) shows you just how crowded the city can be. Prepare for sensory overload, as soap-sellers, silversmiths and spice merchants foist their wares upon you between the hammams, caravanserai (roadside inns) and tea shops.

Brace yourself for the Northern Cemeteries (Al-Qarafa), a truly stupefying quarter of graves, sepulchres and crumbling mausoleums that’s now home to several thousand squatters. A word of warning: the area can be dodgy at night, so avoid it after dusk and take a cab from Ataba metro to get there. Or, even better, hire a guide through your hotel, as this place has more hidden twists and turns than Tomb Raider. You’re in luck if you encounter a wedding amid the tombs: they’re poignantly spectacular.

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