“Who makes the pizza around here anyway? Are you telling me I don’t know how to make pizza?”

My family and I witnessed this very Italian episode at the Miramare restaurant in Selinunte, on the west coast of Sicily, during a late summer break. Well, September — and what a difference it made, since at times it seemed we had the town to ourselves.

It seemed astonishing that the sprawling golden beach and warm Mediterranean sea that we accessed via the back gate of our holiday villa were so unpopulated. One day, my younger daughter Hazel, 11, left a pair of shoes in the sand and they were still there, untouched, a day later.

Our home base was Villa Cycas, a spacious, modern, four-bedroom home tucked away among the vineyards and tastefully decorated with modern artworks and knickknacks from Brazil to Botswana. Big sister Heather, 16, and Matthew, 6, were pleased to get their own rooms and quickly unpacked, stuffing drawers with belongings to mark their territory.

We were slightly diappointed that there was no pool but there was a garden of palm trees and cacti that reminded my wife Holly of her native Houston, Texas, with a hammock big enough for two after a long, lazy lunch. Besides, if we wanted a dip we just had to scramble out of the back gate.

Of course, we couldn’t just sit around taking it easy. Selinunte is home to the largest archaeological site in Europe. Coachloads regularly disembarked to explore the fabulously well-preserved remains of a lost city and its acropolis, built by the Greeks 2,000 years ago and subsequently invaded by almost everyone who could raise an army. Our long-running campaign to interest the Barnard offspring in any form of culture was salvaged by a motorised buggy tour of the perimeter and plenty of gelati.

At the villa, our self-catering ambitions stretched beyond breakfast only once. But the fact that there were many fine — and very reasonable — restaurants was hardly an incentive. At the Miramare, for instance, we feasted on swordfish, gamberoni (big prawns) and pasta. With drinks for mum and dad and puddings for the kids, the bill barely topped £30.

It seemed I couldn’t pay the bill by credit card but I was told by the cashier in a crystal-clear Dagenham accent: “There’s a cash machine down by where the boats dock.”

“What on earth are you doing here?” I asked him.

He laughed: “Well, this is where I’m from... ”

It turned out that Enzo had spent some time at his sister’s home in Essex and acquired the local pronunciation.

We talked football and all-day full English breakfasts. It turned out that the Miramare was the one place in Selinunte to specialise in this very British, but apparently not unexportable, staple. And so it was that the next lunchtime, as we again dined on fabulous sea-food and pasta, Matthew tucked into a familiar favourite: baked beans and fried eggs, cleaning the plate.

Sicily is laid-back, but you do have to watch the clock. I soon learnt that if I wanted the Corriere della Serra or Gazettoa dello Sport I had to get to the newsagent before noon, when it shut up shop for several hours. Restaurants were open from noon to 3.30pm, before shutting until 7pm. Everyone vanished in between, presumably having a siesta or, like us, splashing about in the Med.

Then there was the casatelli cake incident at the nearby Baf-fo’s Pizzeria. Somehow my wife Holly got to talking about the cream-filled doughnuts she’d enjoyed elsewhere. Eagerly, the proprietor, Franco, said he knew just where to get hold of the sweet treats and we could come and collect them the following lunchtime.

Something clearly got lost in translation because when we showed up, Franco dashed to the fridge and triumphantly produced... a huge layer cake big enough for a wedding. After he’d gone to all that trouble we could hardly say no — so into the back of the car it went. Goodness knows we tried, but there was still plenty left in the fridge as we packed up to leave three days later.

Need to know

Mike Barnard and family travelled to Sicily with Cottages to Castles (01622 775217, www.cottagestocastles.com). A package based on seven people travelling costs from £307 per person rising to £540pp during October half-term. The price includes return flights between Stansted and Palermo, and seven nights’ self-catering at Villa Cycas with car hire.

Further information: Italian State Tourist Board (020-7408 1254, www.enit.it), or the unofficial www.bestofsicily.com.

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