From The Sunday Times Travel Magazine, December 2008

Scrunch a piece of paper, and you have Madeira in miniature.

An island that surges from the Atlantic in a series of sharp volcanic peaks and knife-edged ridges, before dropping down to a verdant coastline as nibbled and lacy as a paper doily. In other words, a challenging choice of holiday if you suffer from vertigo, but great if you’re into plants.

It was Christopher Columbus who came up with the paper trick. He used it as a neat way of describing the island to Queen Isabella of Spain. But as a vacation haven, Madeira only really took off in the 19th century – initially, less as a place to unbutton your stays, and more as a vast sanatorium for consumptive countesses and nervy spinsters. They should have bottled its humid, drowsy atmosphere, and sold it as an elixir of somnolence.

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Reid’s Palace, the first major hotel to open up its doors here, back in 1891, garnered a reputation as a hotspot for the cardie crowd. Garden crawls and ozone-induced afternoon naps were the main draw – alongside its faultless cream teas: not entirely disagreeable, even to those under the age of 75.

Still, determined to shake off its musty rep, Madeira’s had a bit of a makeover of late. No-frills flights, plus new spas, bars, sexy design hotels and glossy cafes, add up to the perfect island for a fashionable short break. There are also some fine adrenaline thrills to be had: from forays along the wild, surf-bashed, deserted north coast, to 4WD safaris up into the clouds, swimming with dolphins in a nippy sea, and voyages along the rivers of a 40-million-year-old laurel forest. Just make sure you leave Grandma back at the ranch with a pile of scones – and ask her to save one for you.

THE MAIN ATTRACTIONS

Pootle around the old town of Funchal, the capital, with its Poirot-perfect old curiosity shops and tropical gardens. An easy 15-minute walk from the main hotel zone, it’s a pretty city: mosaic-patterned pavements shaded by eye-wateringly blue jacaranda trees lead to the heavenly Mercado dos Lavradores (the Workers’ Market) still fixed in the 1930s, with plump ladies entreating you to buy bird of paradise blooms, wickerwork and orchids on the ground floor. Take time to wander about upstairs, tasting samples of extraordinary tropical fruits in traffic-light displays: Mexican breadfruit, perhaps, or bananas from Polynesia.

Get stuck into the sweet stuff at The Old Blandy Wine Lodge (00 351 22 377 6300, www.theoldblandywinelodge.com). Sniff the liquor-laden air that fills this former Franciscan monastery: the fortified tipple gains a hefty caramel sweetness from being stored in warm attics, rather than cool cellars. Tour complete, head for the atmospheric Vintage Room, and savour a glass from your birth year.

Gardens, gardens and more gardens: Madeira’s hot, wet climate nurtures horticulture heaven, so you’ll be spoiled for colours and scents. Terrific triffid-style blooms are best gazed upon at lush Palheiro Ferreiro Garden (www.palheiroestate.com). Or for orchid fever, head to Quinta da Boa Vista (Lomba da Boa Vista, Funchal). Monte Palace Tropical Gardens (00 351 291 782339, www.montepalace.com) is a steep, slippery-stepped maze of heady camellias, protea, rhododendron and some bizarre-looking trees.

Take the exhilarating, ear-popping cable car from Funchal’s Zona Velha to Monte (00 351 291 780280, www.madeiracablecar.com; £11.30 return), moving high above the old town, then the city, swinging over traffic jams and terracotta roofs and past flower-dotted valleys, terraced gardens and cactus-studded cliffs. It’s tradition to pose for a cheesy souvenir photo of your ride.

Now follow the signposts to nearby Carreiro do Monte: the Monte Toboggan Ride (around £20 for two, tip expected) is touristy for sure, but sliding back down cobbled streets to the suburb of Livramento in a metal-shod wicker basket is fun: two drivers steer you to ensure you don’t come to a sticky end on a hairpin bend.

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