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Scotland and nudism — an unlikely mix? You might think so but Nick Mayhew, the author of the naturist guidebook Bare Britain, is out to correct a few misconceptions.
“Up until 100 years ago, when people went swimming in Scotland they would have stripped off,” he says. “Look at Rob Roy. Remember Liam Neeson famously swimming in the nude?”
It may come as a shock to discover that Rob Roy MacGregor was a proto-naturist, skinny-dipping between skirmishes, sunning himself in the altogether, hands on hips by the banks of Loch Voil. But the rest of what Mayhew, a 36-year-old London-based travel writer, had to say this week was even more surprising.
Scotland’s beaches are apparently a naturist’s paradise. “As someone who has
written a naturist guide to Europe, I can say that Scotland is the most
beautiful place in it,” says Mayhew. “For me, it’s a wilderness thing. It’s
nice having your own bit of wilderness.”
There is, in fact, only one official nudist beach in Scotland: Cleat’s Shore,
in the south of Arran. “I suspect it’s probably the least visited nudist
beach in the known universe,” says Mayhew. The other sites mentioned in the
guide — including Glenaladale by Loch Shiel, Glengarrisdale Bay in north
Jura and Loch Arienas in Morvern — have been chosen for their mixture of
remoteness and beauty but are offered with a warning: “If you do decide to
enjoy a spot of unofficial skinny-dipping, do so with care and respect for
others. If in doubt, cover up rather than risk offending.”
As for the small matter of the climate: “I was swimming in Sanna Bay near
Ardnamurchan Point earlier this month,” says Mayhew. “Not for very long, but
some of the word’s most famous bare-bathers are Swedish. Compared to
Scotland, that’s a lot colder. In the far north of the country, there’s a
naturist beach inside the Arctic Circle. In midsummer, you get 24-hour
sunlight.” And has he found an answer to intimate midge bites? “Isn’t that
what everyone wants to know? I’ll sell you that for a million quid,” he
says.
But as the Bare Britain guide admits: “It’s not only the midges that can make
life unbearable for bare bathers.” Naturists may be ready for the west
coast, but are the locals ready for naturists? One of the beaches also
singled out by Bare Britain is Glasnacardoch on the Ardnish peninsula,
locally known as the “singing sands” because of the noise made as you walk
over it.
Are the locals aware that they are living near a nudist hot (or should that be
cold) spot? “I can honestly say I’ve never seen anyone nude round here. It
wouldn’t go down very well at all. It’s a place for families,” says Jilly
Jones, who runs the Old Library Lodge hotel in Arisaig. Maybe that’s a sign
of how discreet they are? “I don’t think there’s an awful lot to hide behind
down there to be honest,” says Jones. You’re sure you’re not missing out on
a niche market? “I’m not missing out on anything.”
Wouldn’t coachloads of Danes and Germans, not deterred by the weather but
eager to be buffed to a high gloss by the Atlantic gales, provide just the
shot in the arm which the Highland economy needs? Wouldn’t you be tempted, I
ask Jones, if VisitScotland offered to pay for a free advert in Health and
Efficiency magazine? “I don’t think so,” she says. “I’d rather people just
kept their clothes on. Normally nudists are just old people who tend to let
it all hang out.”
The writer and Highland historian John MacLeod, a native of Harris, adds: “It
is difficult to think of a nudist invasion without an awful lot of hilarity.
The horizontal rain. The icy chill of the Atlantic. Bumpy, wobbly flesh.
Unspeakable.” As the son of a minister and an occasional outspoken
commentator on public morality, however, MacLeod’s objections go beyond the
aesthetic. “The fact is we are meant to be clothed,” he says.
“The English language suggests that. ‘Stripped’, ‘naked’, ‘nude’ are all
synonyms for diminished. The whole point of clothing is that it’s a social
discipline. To put it crudely, it’s there to cover signs of sexual arousal.
Men and women, boys and girls, naked together is an affront on many levels.
The naturist thing is an assault on decency. There is something very
aggressive about it.”
What would be the reaction of the typical minister to a nudist invasion of the
west coast? “Horror, pity and disgust I should imagine,” says MacLeod
plainly. “After the Fall of Man, one of the very first things in the new
order was clothing. First fig leaves, then animal skins.”
Rebranding the Western Isles as a nudist riviera from Butt to Barra may have
to wait a while yet.
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