USP Amazingly, the Beautique at Hayfield Manor was Ireland’s first Elemis spa. Doubly amazing considering Elemis has been around forever and its founder was born locally. Hayfield is a five-star hotel in the country house style with open fires and sherry on arrival. You can wind your way along the River Lee into Cork City Centre. Just over €1million has been spent on the spa. The theme is “Chandeliers, Pearls and Girls”. The girliness stops just short of fluffy slippers but it has a range of treatments especially for men.

AMBIENCE With his jaunty top hat and bright carnation, Louis the doorman bids you welcome. This is a manor house but the original building is gone. This new build dates from 1996. It has Georgian proportions and good old-fashioned service but contemporary styling (and plumbing). Open fires cast a warm glow burnishing the mahogany stair-case. There are no ringing phones and no rushing staff, despite high-maintenance guests. Dickens graces the shelves of the Library (so too, sadly, does the Reader’s Digest). Being new, even the smallest rooms are big and each has it’s own in-room putter for executive golfers. Finishing touches, including a new gym and relaxation room, are being put to the Beautique (which opened in 2006). There are just nine treatment rooms—each features a chandelier and flock wallpaper. They’re pleasingly dark with mercifully few mirrors and no muzack. The pool has garden views but only the brave risk the outdoor Jacuzzi.

QUALITY OF EXPERIENCE I had the two-hour Absolute Deep Tissue Ritual incorporating a Time for Men facial. I tensed up when Evelyn, my masseuse, told me her Dad said she’d taken a bite out of the Blarney Stone. Thankfully she didn’t talk except to ask if I wanted stronger strokes (invariably the answer was YES). All massages are Swedish-style: not fancy but effective. The head massage, integrated into the facial, was best. It really got my circulation going—perhaps that’s why a spot popped up later. The facial was a straightforward cleanse, scrub, tone and moisturise—not especially manly and nothing I hadn’t had before but it did make my subsequent wet shave (not part of the treatment) much smoother.

IN CROWD Prince Andrew has popped in — no doubt drawn by the hotel’s own 18-hole golf course. The hotel gets lots of visiting dignitaries: Henry Kissinger, Former President Mary Robinson, President Mary McAlisee, Mo Mowlam and Prince Michael of Kent. Doubtless the imposing gates of the 2-acre grounds are carefully guarded then.

FOOD There are bowls of fruit all around the spa so you’ll get your five-a-day. Start with breakfast in bed and proper porridge. The hotel has two restaurants: Perrotts, a brasserie, and Orchids, a formal dining room. The former is in the conservatory where well-to-do locals enjoy eying one another in the reflections. The latter has columns and crisp tablecloths, naturally irish linen. Both offer Irish and European dishes. I thought the local food was best—lamb, venison or simply done fresh fish (the meaty crab claws are delicious). Orchids has a richer, finer menu. Venturing into town, Farmgate restaurant is up in the beams of the ancient English Market where most of their produce comes from. Thick slices of salty corned beef is nothing like the dogfood we get in cans and their seafood chowder beats even Boston. Dare you brave the tripe? For a buzzy evening meal hit Isaac’s—don’t miss their crab cakes. Guinness does taste better in Ireland—especially when mixed with Champagne to make Black Velvet.

WALLET WATCH Affordable luxury, as you’d expect from Elemis. The cheapest is a 30-minute ‘luxury manicure’ for €35. Most treatments, including all the massages, €50 to €100. My two-hour ritual was the most expensive at €170. The rooms are pricey: from €380 for a Superior Double to €1,030 for the Presidential Suite featuring dressing room, two bathrooms, a bedroom and spacious-but-cosy sitting room with dining area. Bring your own President.

The spa is open to non-residents but you get priority booking if you’re staying. If you’re tall, like me, ask for a double XL dressing gown. Oh, and you keep your pants on—no need for those degrading paper pants. Cork is wet but don’t bring an umbrella as the hotel has lots. You get an even bigger smile from Louis the doorman for pronouncing his name right (it’s the French way).

NEED TO KNOW Beautique at Hayfield Manor, Cork, Ireland (+353 (0) 21 4845900; www.hayfieldmanor.ie) From Cork Airport: 15 minutes by taxi or bus. No train.

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