USP Champneys is probably the spa chain that everyone has heard of, conjuring up images of decadent pampering, champagne whirlpools and towelling robes. Initial glimpses of Henlow Grange are impressive. It’s a Georgian mansion set next to the River Hiz and has been a health farm for more than 40 years. In the popular imagination it’s where ladies who lunch and footballers wives come to unwind. The reality is slightly more down to earth.

AMBIENCE The floor of the 25-metre swimming pool is stamped with an enormous “H”. The grand scale of the room, with its high ceilings and colonades seems to come from another era, where pool-side Pimms are obligatory and swimming hats are worn more as a style statement than protection against chlorine. But rather than languid laps taken for one’s constitution, there is water aerobics, complete with weights and a shouting instructor. The conservatory is similarly grand, filled with comfy sofas overlooking the gardens. The peacock room, with its deep green walls, covered with beautifully drawn flora and fauna is another highlight. But the genteel image is shattered when you get to the Jimmy Savile suite, opened by the man himself in 1978. In case the name is not enough, there’s a picture of him with the present owners Mr Stephen Purdew and his mother Dorothy.

And Jimmy isn’t the only celeb who graces the walls of Henlow. Anthea Turner is there, as is Jeremy Beadle. In fact, the walls are teeming with photos of the great and the “goodness-remember-him/her?”. And this feels like the schizophrenic heart of Henlow. Despite the flashes of Georgian opulence, much of it - the checked carpet, fluorescent lighting and low ceilings - make it feel like the corridors of London Weekend Television circa 1981.

TREATMENT EXPERIENCE I had a 55-minute Youthful Radiance Facial which was very nice, given by a therapist who had worked at Champneys for several years – always the sign of a good spa. There is an enormously long list of treatments which can be slightly overwhelming, however there is a treatment reception where any last minute queries can be answered or changes made. Many of the residential packages include a couple of shorter 25-minute treatments, but I’ve heard that they can feel rushed and ineffective so it might be worth upgrading them. When I was there, there were virtually no treatments available as they had all been booked in advance, so it’s definitely worth using the website - even if it is infuriating - to book ahead.

IN CROWD It’s mainly women treating themselves or using a voucher bought for them, although a few partners/husbands venture in, too. You get the sense that a lot of the women have worked incredibly hard bringing up families and working, and this is one of their first experiences of having someone look after them, and they’re slightly overwhelmed by it. Many come year after year, once they’ve experienced it. We met a woman who had been coming for 14 years with a group of friends because they enjoyed it so much. When I visited there were hen parties and people in wheelchairs on drips, so people’s expectations of their stay are quite varied.

FOOD The restaurant is surprisingly good. I wouldn’t want to guess how locally sourced or seasonal the food is, or how sustainable – cod was on the menu– but it is easy to eat healthily. A buffet breakfast of muesli, fruit and toast was delicious, although the service was chaotic for those ordering kippers or eggs from the menu. Lunch was a buffet with a wide variety of food, and dinner was a la carte, with wine if you fancied it.

WALLET WATCH It’s not cheap. I went for the long weekend package, which is from Friday 2pm until Sunday 4pm, and includes all meals plus two 25-minute treatments and use of facilities including the thalassotherapy pool. I went with my mum and we shared a Premier room, which cost £479.95 per person, although a standard twin is £329.95 per person.

NEED TO KNOW Champneys Henlow Health Resort, Henlow, Beds, SG16 6DB (08703 300 300; www.champneys.com)

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