USP Getting me to have a facial. Although not super-macho (I drink pints of bitter but get into my trousers one leg at a time), I was persuaded to have a Cocon Therapy Facial. A first …

AMBIENCE Formerly The Old Swan, Wren’s Club is approached across a courtyard from Sir Christopher Wren’s House Hotel which is right on the Thames and in the shadow of Windsor Castle. Completely redesigned internally, the reception area is light and airy with bare wood floor and shelves. Over three floors there is state-of-the-art equipment for those who want to work on their health, fitness and cardiovascular needs. The treatment rooms are up a separate staircase and they have recessed ceiling lights to give the impression of star light and six small candles burning. The music is soothing and as sweet as honey over vanilla ice cream.

EXPERIENCE Nikki is 21 and trained as a beauty therapist for two years before joining the small team of 12 at Wren’s. I am in safe, soft but firm hands as she begins with a back, neck and shoulder massage for 25 minutes. Then I turn over and after a preliminary appraisal of my face skin (“slightly dehydrated”), I close my eyes and am off somewhere else for the next 55 minutes, eventually drifting on thermals alongside Jonathan Livingstone Seagull. Unguents smelling of cucumber and grapefruit are applied from the top-of-the-range Maria Galland products. An extraordinary sensation and ticklingly pleasurable, having another person doing things to your face – fluttering, sliding, sweeping, teasing, kneading … How much pleasure can fingers give? It was wonderful. I’ve gone all girlie and admitted it …

My research assistant, who knows more than I do about such things, considered her facial to have been “one of the best” she had ever had (applied by Sam, just two months after completing her training as a beauty therapist) and that the Wren’s Club in general is “a little gem”.

FOOD Water, coffee and various teas (Jasmine, Red Berries, Lemon Sky, Peppermint, Camomile, Darjeeling) are there for you to help yourself. A buffet style complimentary breakfast is available until 10.30am weekdays (11am weekends) and snacks and light meals can be ordered from the hotel. With prior arrangement small groups can bring their own refreshment. The outdoor Jacuzzi and sauna (free to hotel guests) in a private, decked area adjacent is popular with hen parties who want to lounge and soak and sip champagne.

IN CROWD Located just over the footbridge from Eton, Wren’s Club is popular with the Dames who are the wives of the famous public school’s house masters who preside over the 24 houses in the town for the boarders. Wayne Sleep, Ant with girlfriend (not Dec) and Sue Piper who played Marlene in Only Fools and Horses have visited.

WALLET WATCH Back, Neck and Shoulder Massage (25 minutes) is £30 and the Cocon Therapy Facial (55 minutes) is £45. A Natural Sea Salt Scrub, Seaweed Wrap, Massage and a Thalasso Facial, Jessica Pedicure or Manicure (2 hours 55 minutes) is £110. The Ultimate Wren’s Experience (4 hours 30 minutes) is £220.

NEED TO KNOW Wren's Club, Sir Christopher Wren's House Hotel, Windsor (01753-864186; www.sirchristopherwren.co.uk)
email: wrensclub@headoffice.wrensgroup.com

For more than 200 independent spa reviews: timesonline.co.uk/goodspaguide

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