USP Arriving at Gentlemen’s Tonic feels exactly the way arriving at a spa should.

Greeted by a charming hostess I was offered a drink and shown to the waiting room. Having come from a particularly stressful day at work I was in dire need of therapy. Alcoholic therapy. I ordered a Bloody Mary and looked through the latest issue of GQ. As I sat and flicked I had time to adjust to my new surroundings and take the place in.

AMBIENCE Gentlemen’s Tonic looks like the barber shop that would have been built into the Death Star. Chic lines and brushed chrome meet old-world charm and there is something distinctly Imperial about the place.

From the pictures I had seen on the website I was anticipating a cold, stark (possibly even Starck) interior, but as soon as I was ushered into my hermeneutically-sealed haircut booth (see picture above) I felt instantly as though I had slipped back in time to a period when barbering was still regarded as an art.

East River Spa, Docklands, London

A Thameside urban retreat with express treatments for frazzled city workers and a mud bath for two

• Top 5 London day spas

Top 5 New York spas

We've hand-picked five of the Manhattan's best spas

• The high guide to New York nightlife

• Cut-price New York fashion

• Dorit Baxter's spa, Manhattan, New York

BACKGROUND

• 5 of the best Irish spas

• 5 spas for preen queens

• 5 spas for city pep-ups

• 5 Paris spas

8 spas for budget-seekers

Thrifty indulgence: from the best £30 massage in London to a full hammam for a fiver in Syria

Related Links

• 8 UK treatment rooms for the perfect massage

EXPERIENCE Mark Nimki, my barber for the afternoon, comes from a traditional school of barbershop apprentices and has worked throughout his career at most of the best businesses in London. He regularly drops in on barbers he knows to exchange ideas on the craft. He has been stylist to the stars and has cut hair for Johnnie Depp, Kanye West and many more, though he sees no particular need to crow about it.

“I don’t care who you are. If you’ve got hair, then I am happy. If you don’t have hair, then I’ve got a problem.”

Seated in my chair I took a sip of Bloody Mary and sat back, entrusting myself to Mark’s expertise. Mark is an engaging raconteur and very easy company, but also knows when to keep quiet. He understands that a haircut and shave are both aesthetic and regenerative experiences.

“I actually prefer my clients to fall asleep during the shave,” he says, “because the face is easier to shave when its muscles are relaxed.” All booths have a television in them so once you are in the chair and have expressed to your barber what you want you can simply select your favourite programme and lie back.

Gentlemen’s Tonic also offers a service which will be useful this coming Fathers’ Day, allowing father and child to get their haircut together. Son or daughter can be put in front of cartoons while dad enjoys the beverage and treatment of his choice. Or indeed, if you have a mental age like me, vice versa.

Mark gave me, quite simply, the best haircut I have ever had. As he says himself, there is a discernable difference in hair cut by a professional barber and that cut by a hairdresser. My haircut followed the natural lines of my hair’s growth, heightening its natural strengths while disguising its shortcomings. It is a consummate, Platonic haircut, in that it looks like it isn’t a haircut at all, but rather a return to the most natural state my head should occupy.

Thus groomed I was led downstairs to the second half of my treatment, a deep-tissue ‘Sports Therapy’ massage. Now, I don’t actually play sport, but I don’t like soft massage, so opted for the hardest sounding massage on the list.

Maria Epiphaniou, my masseuse, asked me whether there were any particular sporting injuries she should focus on. I indicated vaguely towards my back hoping she wouldn’t notice the distinctly unathletic nature of my physique. Fortunately she didn’t, or at least was too professional to say anything about it.

Using a gel from the Aromatheutic range of massage products she kneaded me in ways only a sportsman should be kneaded. I grimaced and blamed only myself. Still the treatment was exactly what I was after and I emerged feeling curiously vigorous.

She identified two areas where my ‘sport’ seemed to be affecting me, in my left shoulder and my right thigh. I can only assume this is the result of my tendency to lean towards the bar to retrieve my drink with my right-armed drinking action, but I told her it was probably because of squash.

Gentlemen’s Tonic is discreet and understated in both appearance and quality of service. I believe therefore it lives up to its name entirely. I would always choose service like this rather than the kind that tends towards either the overly-enthusiastic or obsequious ends of the spectrum. It is service for gentlemen, by gentlemen. And not so gentle masseuses.

WALLET WATCH

THE SHACKLETON, just one of the boldly named therapies on offer comes with the strap line ‘For the intrepid among you’: haircut and finish, beard trim or wet shave of your choice. £60 Also available are the Hemingway, Montgomery and Valentino.

DEEP TISSUE 'SPORTS THERAPY' MASSAGE: both corrective and therapeutic directed specifically at individual muscle fibres, stretching out restricted areas and helping to increase one's range of movements. 30 mins £42; 45 mins £58; 60 mins £74

In time for Fathers’ Day:

THE FATHER AND SON HAIRCUT AND FINISH: perfect for weekend mornings. You enjoy the Bloody Mary while your son watches the cartoons. Or, as I say, vice versa. £56

NEED TO KNOW Gentlemen’s Tonic, 31A Bruton Place, London, W1J 6NN. Phone: 020 7297 4343

For more than 280 independent spa reviews visit timesonline.co.uk/goodspaguide

Times recommends

• The three best routes to the Med
• How to cash in on your holiday money
• 10 tips for the perfectly packed suitcase