USP This must be what it’s like to be the Queen. Earnest smiles whichever way you look. Doors open unbeckoned, bags are whisked away and then re-appear at one’s destination (notice the use of "one", that’s what happens to you when you get treated like this). But we’re not at Buck House, although this is definitely palatial. Rather we are in the centre of Paris, not too far from the Bastille, best known as a site where royalty lose their heads. But, thankfully, we’re not royalty, just guests at the George V.

AMBIENCE The hotel was bought by the Four Seasons hotel chain in the late Nineties, and they spent two years renovating it, which included ripping out the old central heating system that sat in the basement and putting in a spa.

So like most hotel spas it is underground, but they’ve tried to overcome the inevitable dinginess as much as possible, and the small swimming pool and Jacuzzi is illuminated with a special light which replicates the daylight outside – it rises in the east and sets in the west. The overall look is Palace of Versailles. Toile de jouy fabric covers every wall, carriage clocks are on every mantelpiece. In the relaxation room there are three four-poster day beds, swathed in muslin, covered in velvet bolsters and large scatter cushions.

Disappointingly the sauna and steam room are in the women’s changing rooms (and the steam room didn’t appear to be working when I was there). This meant there was no sense of a spa "journey" where you can move from water to hot rooms to slowly unwind before your treatment. Instead it felt like a beautifully decorated health club, where the treatment rooms were very separate from the water areas.

TREATMENT Delphine led me to a large treatment room and requested that I lie face down on the bed and proceeded to give me an expert massage, surprisingly deep for such a petite masseuse. There was no product sell, it was just a very good, simple body massage. At the end of the 50 minutes she had to bring me round, and I was in a semi-comatose state for at least an hour afterwards and had to recline in the relaxation room, before staggering to the beautifully decorated foyer and indulging in the delicacies laid out there.

FOOD Dried fruit, several different types of tea, including an invigorating ginger brew are left out for spa guests to nibble and sip.

IN CROWD It’s a mixed bag, ranging from sturdy Russian mothers with their willowy offspring, retired American couples wearing trendy glasses and the spas off-white bathrobes, young English blokes and older European women with perma-tans, blond hair and luminous swim suits. I actually forgot my swimsuit so had to swim in possibly the poshest hotel I’ve ever been to in my pants and knickers. Fortunately no-one gave me a second look which indicates the unpretentious nature of the place.

WALLET WATCH If you forget your swimsuit don’t worry, they have them on sale from a mere €360, which gives you an idea of how much the whole experience costs. The website doesn’t give any prices for the treatments, but my massage cost €140. You can only use the pool and Jacuzzi if you are a guest at the hotel, but anyone can book a treatment. The cheapest "George V" massage is €125 and the most expensive, the "four hands" massage is €200.

NEED TO KNOW George V, 31 Avenue George V, 75008 Paris, France (33 (0) 1 49 52 70 00; www.fourseasons.com/paris/)

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