USP Boutique style spa and health club specialising in organic holistic therapies. The Jacuzzi — which boasted an infusion of something described as “Moor mud” — was intriguingly crystal-clear.

AMBIENCE Clean, modern facilities, and I could have spent all day in the mysteriously dark, lamp-lit slate pool. But the Moroccan hamam meets 18th-century chateau setting was slightly disorientating; if only the designer could make up her mind where she prefers spending her holidays.

EXPERIENCE The friendly, discreet therapists in floaty Eastern garb worked total magic during my “Fairy Godmother” facial, the spa’s signature treatment, involving a Japanese “finger walking” face massage technique. Too bad they couldn’t magic away the giggling girls waiting on the other side of the door.

FOOD Herbal tea on tap, and a big Carluccio’s picnic lunch box with tomato and mozzarella, cold pasta, and one too many varieties of bean salad — oh, and a fizzy drink and gooey tart.

IN CROWD City secretaries and middle-class matrons. Saturday is definitely the day the girls get together for a right Royal Day Spa gossip. Rare men stick to the spa’s gym.

WALLET WATCH The Royal Password day spa package: complete use of facilities £60; Ready-made packages: Royal Password, picnic and beauty treatment from £132; Royal Drain Massage: £55; Fairy Godmother Facial: £88

NEED TO KNOW Royal Day Spa & Members Health Club, 12 Vale Road, Post Office Square, Tunbridge Wells, Kent (01892 616 191; www.royal-dayspa.co.uk)

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