Sometimes golf can be depressing – very depressing. “I’d like to say I’ve seen worse,” says Jeremy Dale, our instructor at Stapleford Park, a country house hotel in Leicestershire, after we play a few chips to a green.

“But I can’t,” he says. “Look at how bad this is,” he says, clearly enjoying himself. “Terrible. Your balls are 12 feet away. This is very bad. We need to talk strategy, guys.”

Do not expect an easy ride at the new Scoring School at Stapleford – that’s not the Jeremy Dale way.

But do expect to learn a lot about how to improve your game... quickly. Jeremy’s lessons are based on a simple principle: “How to play bad golf really well”. His argument goes that we can’t all be Tiger Woods (which sounds rather self-evident), and we are extremely unlikely to drive 300 yards with a perfect Woods swing (even more self-evident). So why, Dale asks, do so many golf lessons focus on perfecting your swing?

Early on, he uses an analogy to make his central point: “I can tell you a million things about eating with a knife and fork. But if you thought about them all, you’d starve. If you want to do it well, don’t think about it. That’s what top athletes do.”

It’s much better to learn the canny tricks of golf, rather than over-analys-ing things, he tells us – which is just fine by me and my golfing pal, Michael. We’ve signed up for the day-long lesson at the pretty and peaceful golf course connected to Stapleford, a splendid 17th-century building where the Prince of Brunei recently held a party attended by the likes of Michael Jackson, Jerry Hall and Don Johnson.

Jackson, says the East European waitress in the breakfast room, stayed in a cottage in the grounds. He did not play golf. Johnson “smoked cigars” and “liked to talk a lot”. Meanwhile, Michael Carrick, the England footballer, was recently married at the hotel. His wife was “really, really beautiful with blonde hair,” the waitress says, “just like a lot of the other wives.” Lionel Richie, Will Smith and Jackie Collins have also stayed. You can learn a lot from East European waitresses in the breakfast room.

There are no celebs on our visit. Just Dale, who – we soon learn – can play golf both left and right-handed. And he quickly puts us straight on the art of chipping and pitching. These “finesse” shots are crucial for keeping your score down – “turning eights into double bogeys”, as he puts it. Apparently a study of pro golfers once found that the longest drivers and best players of long shots using iron clubs were nowhere near the top of the rankings. It is the “short game” kings who make the big bucks.

There are, Jeremy says, an average of 12 “finesse” shots in every round – which can make a big difference to your overall score. Along with putts, these are essential to master.

“I want you to become chip-and-putt b******* from hell,” he says – simplifying his approach.

We are taught to aim for the closest landing points on greens, rather than taking “the aerial route”. This is actually quite simple and really effective. We are advised to measure how far we hit the ball using sand and pitch wedges with short, medium and long swings. By doing so you can be much more accurate.

This, amazingly, also works. As does measuring our putts according to the distance we swing backwards. Another immediate success.

My grip is wrong on my drive. Dale corrects this and says (a little fiercely): “Don’t fight physics,” when I say it feels odd. He then gives us a run-down on the mental side of the game. “Golf,” he says, “is a vicious little cocktail of nastiness. You must learn to switch on and off. You can’t concentrate completely over four hours.”

Michael and I are stunned by the results. We play a few holes later on and are much better than before. We are playing bad golf – but we’re playing badly well. Suddenly, golf isn’t so depressing any more.

Come out swinging

Scoring School (01572 787000, www.staplefordpark.com) costs £147.50 and is held on Sundays (max group size six people). To stay over is £99 on Sunday. A golf round is £25 on Monday.

Jeremy Dale (www.jeremydale.com) is a “trick-shot specialist” and he showed us how to hit the ball 300 yards while kneeling.

Dale told me that I “needed to invest” after he saw my clubs – I bought a set of custom-fit Callaway golf irons (0800 096 4591, www.callawaygolf.com) for £468.

Together, the lessons and clubs have cut eight shots off my average round. Not bad for a weekend’s work.

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