TREAT ONE
THE LIFE-SAVING SPA DAY
When? As soon as humanly possible

You’re just back and, thanks to the joys of modern flying, you feel 10 times worse than when you went. The cure is a day of rubbing, kneading and pampering - and Luton Hoo (01582 698888, www.lutonhoo.com ; spa day from £230) fits the stress-busting bill. After a stroll through the romantic Capability Brown parklands, make for its courtyard spa, converted from a Grade I-listed stable block. Treatments use sensuous organic oils inspired by the estate’s flower borders, and there’s a spectacular oak-framed indoor pool.

Cedar Falls Health Farm, in Somerset (01823 433233, www.cedarfalls.co.uk ; spa day from £83), isn’t so fancy - in fact, the decor is rather dated - but aficionados adore its top-class natural-health centre. If your batteries need recharging, a session of reiki or craniosacral therapy with their genuine professionals is the full-on Duracell number.

For a cracking bargain, head to Malvern, where MalvernSpa (01684 878299, www.themalvernspa.com ; doubles from £155, B&B) opens on Saturday, with a half-price offer bringing spa days down to £85 for almost three hours of super-indulgent Espa treatments (book by August 31 for trips up until September 30). The location is sadly lacking (the 32-room hotel is on a business estate, albeit with views of the Malvern Hills) and the finishing touches are missing, but the facilities are impressive: creamily contemporary decor with lots of lounging space, a classy thermal suite of saunas and steam rooms and a huge indoor/ outdoor hydrotherapy pool, filled with the town’s finest H2O. It’s still; you’ll be sparkling.

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TREAT TWO
THE BANK HOLIDAY PARTY
When? August 23-25

It’s the last one before Christmas, so make the most of it. With feather boas, dancing bobbies and more jerk chicken than you can shake your booty at, the Notting Hill Carnival (August 23-25, www.nottinghillcarnival.biz ) is the mama of them all. The children’s parade is on Sunday, while the kings and queens strut their stuff all day Monday.

The weekend’s biggest music bonanza is in Liverpool, where the Mathew Street Festival (August 24 and 25; 0151 233 2008, www.mathewstreetfestival.com ) will fill six stages with beautiful noise from Argentina, Turkey, Finland and Canada. Brace yourself for Beatles tunes bashed out by a 42-piece Czech orchestra and a military band from Brazil. It’s all free.

North of the border, the Strathaven Balloon Festival (August 23 and 24; 01555 860285, www.strathavenballoonfestival.co.uk ) is Scotland’s most spectacular celebration of hot air. Scores of balloons swell the skies above a terra firma of fairground rides and duck races.

On Tyneside, the Picnopolis festival (www.picnicclub.org ) is a citywide celebration of cool-box cuisine. Run, bemusingly, by a Japanese arts collective, it will involve picnic-style parties across Newcastle and Gateshead, culminating in an all-comers recipe contest in Baltic Square on bank holiday Monday. For something stickier, try the Pennine Lancashire Festival of Food and Culture (www.penninelancashirefood.co.uk ), which features the World Gravy Wrestling Championships (in Bacup on August 25). Yes, it’s every bit as disgusting as it sounds ...

TREAT THREE
THE SEPTEMBER WEEKENDER
When? Any free weekend, as late in the month as you dare

You’ve got to hold your nerve with late-summer city breaks. Wait until the end of August, when the school kids disappear, then let the middle of September pass, so the backpacking students fade back to their halls ... then, finally, strike, to grab the last of the shirtsleeves weather in peace.

The perfect city for such a strategy is Amsterdam - impossibly busy in high summer, but ideal for spending the whole day outdoors, it also benefits from September’s lengthening nights. There are few better cities in which to stroll through an atmospheric gloaming.

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