Frankly, no. The rise of “cool cruising” was always a piece of marketing piffle, a desperate grab for the chic pound, which disguised the true revolution in this holiday option. Because while you won’t find Armani-clad hipsters on modern cruise ships, you will find just about everybody else. What cruising has definitely become — what cruising had to become, to match the wild variety of adventures and activities now available to us all on land — is fantastically, bountifully diverse.

Want to get fit? Get on board. Eager to get educated, to work on your watercolours, hoist the mainsail, dive the depths, unwind your spirit or exhaust your kids? A ship has been tailored to your needs. Here are the best afloat — and if you still dream of wearing gloves to dinner, we’ve found that cruise too.

BEST FOR BEGINNERS

A mini-cruise is perfect for discovering whether you’re suited to life aboard. Several companies allow you to enlist for a short leg of a longer cruise, but, for starters, how about a weekend jaunt across the Channel? P&O Cruises offers a bunch of short breaks out of Southampton, and they’re a million miles from the Cherbourg ferry — especially if you’re aboard the adults-only Arcadia, with its twist of contemporary decor and a Gary Rhodes boutique restaurant.

Details: a two-night hop to Zeebrugge (for Bruges), sailing on July 14, costs from £362; contact 0845 355 5333, www.pocruises.co.uk.

BEST FOR ROMANTICS

The Star Clippers are authentic tall ships with full traditional rigging. No fancy cabins, leggy shows, casinos and kids’ clubs; here, shipboard entertainment amounts to loafing in the “widows’ net” — a vast hammock slung beneath the tree-trunk bowsprit — and lounging on deck watching the mast trace slow arcs across the starry heavens. There are three ships, which ply the Med in summer, then make for either the Caribbean or the Far East in winter. The longer pre-season sails between regions are great fun for serious salts.

Details: a one-week cruise along the French and Italian Riviera starts at £1,180, excluding flights; contact 01473 292029, www.starclippers.co.uk.

BEST FOR WATERSPORTS FANS

The Explorer is not merely the poshest dive boat in the world, it is also the smallest Four Seasons “hotel”. With 10 state rooms, one suite and a crewman for every passenger, this luxury catamaran is like an exclusive island resort, but on the move. It tacks around the Maldives seeking out unexplored backwaters of the archipelago, pausing for underwater adventure, and anchoring to visit remote villages. It offers contemporary Asian interiors, a spa therapist, plus kayaking, water-skiing and lots of diving, with sports instructors and a marine biologist on board.

Details: a week with Seasons in Style (01244 202000, www.seasonsinstyle.co.uk), including flights from the UK and at least two dives per day, starts at £3,335.

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