Page 2: Scuba-diving and whale watching ()

While I admit to harbouring the occasional fantasy about learning to dive, along with becoming a master paraglider and speaking fluent Finnish, I never thought I’d actually get around to doing anything about it. But after five minutes of Richard’s spiel, Kitty had slipped him £3 and was doing laps round the pool with an oxygen tank strapped to her back. Fifteen minutes later, three quarters of the family had collectively forked out about £330 and signed up for a three-day course.

This involved alarming amounts of theory about water pressure, heavy equipment, something very unhygienic called buddy breathing and the search party that Steffi, our very exacting teacher from Hamburg, almost sent out when we showed up two minutes late for our first lesson.

I must confess that I didn’t think I was going to hit it off with Steffi after that. But it turns out that when you’re 30m under the sea, with a faulty oxygen tank and a shark snapping at your flippers, no sane person would want to be with anyone other than a strict teacher from Hamburg.

Reinvigorated by the diving (there’s nothing like overcoming claustrophobia and lost contact lenses for inspiring some heartwarming family bonding), we began to take advantage of the hotel’s outdoor gym — and er, the spa again.

We could have played golf, done sun salutations by the pool or some of that horse riding we’d promised ourselves — the hotel would gladly have organised it, but in seven days, there honestly wasn’t the time.

We did go on a whale-watching trip, and it was a nice change being able to see the lunar coast from a boat, rather than a sun lounger. A visit to Aqua Sur water park at Maspalomas was an afternoon of almost completely unmitigated hell as far as I was concerned, but Kitty and Flora adored it.

The German-owned hotel was the kind of place where everything runs like an easy- going clock, from the interconnecting rooms they automatically allocated us, overlooking the pool (on a floor high enough to see the sea, but not so high that we couldn’t keep an eye on the children from the balcony when they were still playing downstairs) to the pretty outdoor, poolside restaurants where most nights you could help yourself to unseemly amounts of delicious barbecued buffet — perfect for children. Actually, quite perfect for adults too.

The Palm Beach is also, as its brochure somewhat ominously points out, the only “design” hotel in the neighbourhood. It was actually a rather successful translation of bold geometric prints and bright colour with some Barcelona sofas chucked in for good measure.

To the many Germans who come to Maspalomas and have long been frolicking in its four- and five-star palaces, the Canaries don’t have an image problem.

To the Brits, however, Gran Canaria — how shall we put this? — well it’s not exactly Mustique, is it? But if you ask me, a four-hour plane journey and a reliable year-round temperature that hovers reliably in the upper 20s are major selling points of all the Canary Islands, and they seem a lot bigger when you factor children into the equation.

Absence of jet lag, easily navigable roads, a dry-as-toast climate that ensures cool, crisp nights and mozzie-free days by the coast (lunar landscape being a small price to pay for such corporeal comforts), clear water with a surprising number of colourful fish and very reasonable prices are five more that make a holiday here almost shamefully low maintenance.

You could easily bring the kids here for a three-day winter break. I would go back like a shot.

Page 3: Need to know ()

Need to know

Getting there: Lisa Armstrong and family flew with GB Airways (0870 8509850, www.ba.com); flights from Gatwick to Las Palmas from £169.

Cadogan Holidays (023-8082 8300, www.cadoganholidays.com) offers seven nights at the Palm Beach Hotel from £727 per adult and £382 per child under 12 and sharing a room with adults, including flights, B&B and private transfer.

Further information: Spanish Tourist Office (020-7486 8077, www.tourspain.co.uk). Another useful website is www.gran-canaria-info.com.

www.timesonline.co.uk/familyholidays

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