ICKWORTH HOTEL

I am not a suspicious person. When the repair man says he will come tomorrow morning I actually sit at home and wait. I owned internet stock. I still think Tony Blair’s speeches on the war were admirable. But one thing has even me on my guard — people who use the word “family” as an adjective.

“Family-sized” is good, of course, particularly when it refers to portions of food. But then there’s “family entertainment” (a spectacle with all the entertainment surgically removed), “family car” (the most boring vehicle in the range), even “special family rate” (four times the price you pay without a family).

So forgive me if, as my wife and I approached Ickworth Hotel in Suffolk with our two small children in the back of the (family) car, I was in a sceptical frame of mind. Ickworth Hotel, you see, claims to be a “luxury family hotel”. And is there anything more suspicious than the use of “family” as an adjective? Yes, there is — the word “luxury” featuring in any commercial description.

Relaxed weekends in really good country hotels have been a favourite, if rare, treat for Nicky and me throughout our marriage. But now we have two boys of five and three, whose ideas of relaxation are not the same as ours.

So could a couple of days in a country hotel be anything like the treat we remember? Or would it just involve shifting childcare to a less convenient location?

Tea would be a test. My sister once arrived at a hotel that promised her “family tea” to discover this meant that the whole family having dinner together at 5.30pm, the time that nuggets and chips were served to the children. But within half an hour of arriving at Ickworth we were “taking tea” in the conservatory. Good start.

The Ickworth Hotel has been decorated in a modern style, but it retains much of the feel of the stately home it used to be, particularly in the rooms on the ground floor, with the huge stone corridor, and in the beautifully tended gardens.

National Trust status limits the changes the owners can make, and since I’ve come back I’ve heard grumbles from other guests about shabby rooms and inadequate changing facilities by the swimming pool. It didn’t bother me at all, but each to their own.

We particularly liked the young staff who treated everyone equally. “I quite understand, Sir would like to dress up as Spider-Man. Suitable attire is located in the supervised nursery. Sir and his little brother can have supper there too. Meanwhile, Madam, your massage awaits.”

There is an adventure playground, a croquet lawn and, best of all, when the children are in bed, there is a baby-listening service which allows the adults to enjoy a pretty good meal on their own.

Details: The Ickworth Hotel and Restaurant, Bury St Edmunds, Suffolk (01284 735350, www.luxuryfamilyhotels.com) has double rooms, with dinner and breakfast from £180-£290 a night. Children stay free in their parents’ room.


CALCOT MANOR

Calcot Manor has just won the AA Hotel of the Year 2005-06 award for England, another prize for its bulging trophy cabinet (not that it has one, that would be vulgar, and vulgarity is not Calcot at all).

I can’t say I’m surprised. This is an astonishingly good hotel. I thought so. My wife thought so. My children thought so. If you don’t think so, you’re an idiot. Sorry. Let me run you through some of the things that only an idiot would fail to appreciate — fantastic food (really top-class stuff in the restaurant), exceptional rooms, a wonderful spa (I had the first massage of my life), and, oh yes, an outside hot tub by an open fire.

I forgot to tell you about the children. I think we had the children with us. Yes. We did. Definitely. Sorry, Calcot can do that to you.

Anyway, they make a fuss about their kids’ club being Ofsted inspected, but frankly that didn’t make any difference that I could tell. You had to fill in some forms, that’s about it. But the club was good. My boys loved the plentiful toys. The eldest gave it “Ten thumbs up, Daddy”. (It was a slight shame, however, that you weren’t permitted to play with the toys when there were no staff around. I blame Ofsted.)

The grounds weren’t up to Ickworth’s standard. They are working on that at the moment. But who would want to go out anyway?

Details: Calcot Manor, Tetbury, Gloucestershire (01666 890391, www.calcotmanor.co.uk) has family rooms from £225-£360 a night, including breakfast. Children sharing the room are charged £22.50 for 12s and under, including breakfast and high tea, and £27.50 for over-12s.


BEDRUTHAN STEPS
At Bedruthan Steps you can’t forget the children — yours or anyone else’s. This is a family hotel of a much more traditional nature — chaotic family teas, toddlers rampant. The rooms are comfortable, nothing more; the evening meals are pleasant, nothing more; the spa good, nothing more.

But this is a special place. It provides two things that its rivals can’t compete with. The first is a spectacular location. The view of the sea from our room was the best I’ve ever had. The second is wonderful facilities for children.

The moment we arrived, our two sped off to an outdoor playground modelled on a fishing village. Later they played on fire engines, scrambling around a vast indoor play area and laughing at the evening children’s show put on nightly in the lounge. They swam in the pool, they ran in the sand, they played football on the beach, they were children out of a Topsy and Tim book.

What parent could fail to enjoy that? It may not quite be what the Ickworth means by Luxury Family Hotel, but luxury it was nonetheless.

Details: Bedruthan Steps, Mawgan Porth, Cornwall (01637 860555, www.bedruthan.com) has double rooms from £134-£212 a night, including breakfast and dinner, and a variety of child discounts.


Moonfleet Manor is from the same stable as Ickworth. Children can enjoy a games room, bowling alley and squash courts. Doubles from £160 a night with breakfast and dinner; one child can stay in the parents’ room. Moonfleet Manor, Weymouth, Dorset (01305 786948, www.luxuryfamilyhotels.com).

Bishopstrow House has activities for older children: quad-biking, horse-riding and board games. A baby-listening service allows parents to enjoy a romantic dinner in the Mulberry restaurant. Standard and family rooms with PlayStations and DVDs from £199 with breakfast; children over four £30 a night if sharing a room with parents; under-4s free. Bishopstrow House, Warminster, Wilts (01985 212312, www.bishopstrow.co.uk).

Foxhills is a favourite for sporty youngsters, with tennis and golf lessons, a crèche and a Cub Club for 4-11s. A beauty salon has treatments for exhausted parents, and the restaurants offer with-or-without-the-kids dining. Two-night breaks, half-board, from £160 per adult; children sharing with parents pay £30 a night. Foxhills, Ottershaw, Surrey (01932 872050, www.foxhills.co.uk).

The Grove is at the glamorous end of family hotels, with a spa, several restaurants and a golf course. Children are looked after in a suite of rooms with a crèche and nursery. An outdoor play area has a treehouse. Doubles from £250 a night, B&B, under-13s can have an adjoining room for 50 per cent. The Grove, Chandler’s Cross, Herts (01923 807807, www.thegrove.co.uk).

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