The extreme end of that scale is the £75m Emirates Catering Centre, in Dubai, the world’s most advanced airline-food facility, where 2,200 staff labour around the clock, producing as many as 80,000 meals a day under conditions of robotic eff­iciency.

Watching the gleaming catering machine at work, I ask the boss, John Earnshaw, if there is one innovation that would make his futur­istic job any easier. “A toaster,” he replies, with a certainty born of hours of reflection. “I’d love to be able to serve toast and butter at 38,000ft.”

Below, marks were awarded out of 10 as follows: presentation, 2 points: main course, 4 points; pudding, 4 points. Starters, bread, cheese and crackers ignored. Wine was gratefully accepted where offered.

1 The Winner: British Airways

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That our national carrier serves an Italian dish made in Germany is disconcerting, as is the lasagne’s garish foil lid, which makes it look like something from Kerry Katona’s freezer. But what’s inside — layers of velvety pasta in a creamy, tangy sauce — is very good, in a ready-meal way. The sod-the-diet portion of chocolate mousse cake with mandarin sauce is even better. 8/10

2 Singapore Airlines

The answer to the Singapore chicken or beef dilemma is a no-brainer. The delicious slow-cooked beef blade in rosemary sauce — the work of LSG’s Thomas Harker — goes under the knife as willingly as a double-chinned Texan widow. It’s just a shame he didn’t do the veg, too, and the dessert — a rather boring little tub of ice cream — was disappointing after the excitements that came before. 5/10

3 Emirates

Served in strange, curvy dishes that could be used to build a replica of the Sydney Opera House, the Emirates economy meal — fillet steak with whipped parmesan and cream polenta, and roasted vegetables — comes on like a restaurant entrée, but lets itself down with a slab of Brazilian beef that tastes like a supermarket frozen steak. It’s a shame, because the polenta is every bit as good as it sounds, and the vegetables are spot-on. The pudding was a largely forgettable crème caramel. 5/10

4 Virgin Atlantic

“We don’t do fine dining, but we’re not Harvester, either,” says Virgin of its six chunks of chicken in a sweet, orangey barbecue sauce with paprika wedges. It’s suitably summery, and the Gü, an egg-cup-sized chocolate overdose, is awesomely moresome. 7/10

5 Cathay Pacific

Cathay’s sticky Chinese rice — made by the German technicians who build BA’s lasagne — is superb, but what looked like Pal’s meaty chunks and a medley of vegetables weren’t. Better is the not-very-Oriental cranachan, a Highland concoction of fruit, cream and oats. 6/10

6 Thomsonfly

Aldo Zilli tastes it all, but he clearly has no say in the presentation. The chicken pomodoro is a slapdash tricolore, but it’s much better than it looks, and the white chocolate and raspberry cheesecake is excellent. Up there with the scheduled carriers. 6/10

7 Ramsay’s wild card

At Heathrow Terminal 5, you can nip into Gordon Ramsay’s Plane Food and pick up an in-flight picnic: antipasti, salad, smoked salmon and cream cheese sandwich, and a huge chocolate and pecan brownie. It’s £11.95, but for as long as it lasts, it’s like being in business class. 7/10

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