That’s not to say it can’t be gruelling. I tried, and failed, to maintain my balance as I descended into the first of their trademark series of heated seawater pools. The hyperbuoyant water — stained brown by salt and magnesium — swirled about me, driven by powerful jets at the bottom of the pool. Before I knew it I was in an uncontrollable spin, shrieking hysterically, saved only by a fat Russian man who gallantly managed to catch hold of my toe.

Thalassotherapy involves being immersed in seawater (thalassa is Greek for sea) of different temperatures and degrees of salinity.I began to relax when we were guided from the hottest and most salty pools to the cooler ones and I found myself lying back and staring up at waterfalls through petal-filled branches.

The people bobbing around me had come for the supposed medical benefits of thalassotherapy. One young British woman, who seemed to be enjoying herself on a water jet, had come to treat her shingles; a rugby-playing man said, unconvincingly, that he was there for a knee injury. This healthy element may account for the high male to female ratio — about 50:50. That, and the fact that the receptionist makes a point of reminding each man the bathrobe is definitely peach, and definitely not pink.

If you only have an occasional massage, a visit to Le Meridien is like becoming an opium addict when all you are used to is a small sherry every year at Christmas. Banish thoughts of a perfunctory visit to a converted broom cupboard back home where a disinterested girl pokes at your shoulder blades; here at Le Meridien, the palatial treatment rooms have dazzling sea views and the practitioners’ dedication borders dizzyingly on worship.

On the second and final day of my stay I enjoyed a blissfully leisurely breakfast on my balcony, donned my “peach” bathrobe and prepared myself for a fresh assault on my remaining toxins. After surviving the hot stone massage and the sea scrub the day before, I felt confident that I could handle whatever was thrown at me. However, I didn’t reckon on a powerful double-header — being kneaded on a kind of water bed, followed by a facial.

This left me staggering, as if from a body blow, but I just managed to totter to one of the indoor thalassotherapy pools. Here a man asked me to put on ear plugs and a mask before performing an underwater shiatsu massage. Disorientated, I started to feel as if I were floating through time and space.

Afterwards I was beached outside to dry off in the sun. Some may come to a spa because they have taken too many drugs. I certainly left feeling pleasantly that way.

I found myself staring face down at a pond of brightly coloured fish, thinking: “Are they so serene because they are constantly receiving thalassotherapy?”

Seven nights at Le Meridien Limassol cost from £535 per person including flights, bed and breakfast. Book through Essential Escapes, 020-7284 3344 or www.essentialescapes.com

INCHYDONEY LODGE & SPA, West Cork, Ireland: 00 353 233 3143, www.inchydoneyisland.com

The only accredited thalasso spa outside continental Europe, Inchydoney makes the most of its glorious beachfront position; fresh seawater is pumped into the spa for treatments which target rheumatism, arthritis and circulatory problems, all overseen by the spa’s resident doctor.

Balneotherapy — heated seawater baths with multijets for hydromassage — and electrotherapy are offered alongside facials, massages and detoxifying algae wraps.

But it’s not all about treatments; the restaurant serves up fabulously indulgent suppers and the comfy sofas in the lounge are perfect for a warming whiskey after a brisk walk on the beach.

Likely to meet: serious, but time-poor, spa-goers.

Cost: from £480pp, B&B, for a two-night break, including treatments, and flights, through Erna Low, 020-7594 0290; www.bodyandsoulholidays.co.uk

HOTEL MIRAMAR, Biarritz, France: 00 33 5 59 41 30 00, www.accorhotels.com

Treatments are individually tailored, such as post-natal, men’s fitness and “Reaching 50”. The hotel has a 25m seawater swimming pool, sauna and hamam most rooms have Atlantic views, and the seafood is superb.

Likely to meet: well-maintained French women.

Cost: from £970pp for a five-night break, including treatments and flights, through Erna Low, 020-7594 0290; www.bodyandsoulholidays.com

LOUISON BOBET THALASSOTHERAPY CENTRE, Spain, 00 34 95246 3050, www.byblos-andaluz.com

Named after the French cyclist who used thalasso treatments to recover from a car accident, the centre offers sonar baths, great for aching limbs, and pressure-spray to boost circulation.

Likely to meet: Antonio Banderas and Melanie.

Cost: from £809 per week, B&B, including flights, treatments extra, through Sovereign, 09705 768373; www.sovereign.com

Times recommends

• Overlanding then and now
• Live Q&A: ski fitness and injury
• Get the right payment card and deny Ryanair its hefty fee