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These musings were based on readings from the Vega test machine, which is a bio-electric analyser that measures the body’s electrical resistant to various foodstuffs and medicines, and also gauges cholesterol, body mass index and fitness levels. The subject holds a probe and an electrode is placed on an acupuncture point on the hand, completing the electrical circuit – it is painless.
There’s much discussion as to the reliability of Vega tests, but it is a technique used by numerous nutritionists and natural health practitioners in the UK.
I remain unconvinced owing to its erroneous analysis of my joints and chest, but vowed to stick to the suggestions in the ten-page document… even the colonic irrigation.
Other suggestions were to follow a light, healthy diet and daily intake of three litres of water, good advice for anyone I’d have thought, plus aerobics and power walking to boost fitness, yoga for flexibility and relaxation, a steam session for a touch of detox and some massages for more relaxation and detox.
The final suggestion from Sari, who drew up a timetable for me to include these various treatments and classes, was to have me join one of the hotel’s daily laughing sessions. Its one of the daily activities offered free, alongside the yoga, power walking, aerobics and meditation.
The laughing session takes place in a purpose built park in one corner of the resort complex where guffawing gold statues emit laughing noises through speakers and “the trainer says funny things and we all laugh a lot”, according to Sari.
Being British this sounded horrendous to me – so it was with some relief that I was saved from comic humiliation by a fault with the speakers. Phew.
Another eleventh-hour intervention, in the form of a power cut, also nearly spared me the other onerous part of my timetable - the colonic irrigation - but undeterred Savvy rebooked my treatment for the following day.
I’d imagined a tiled room, drains and a woman in wellies, so was pleased to find another serene room just like the other 22 treatment rooms; a comfortable bed, towel to spare one’s modesty and a discreet therapist. I’ll spare you the details, which have been chronicled numerous times before, except to say that there were moments of discomfort and relief over the next 45 minutes.
At the end I didn’t feel different – expecting to feel light and thoroughly cleansed I was a little disappointed to feel normal.
Undeterred, I continued with the timetable, as well as squeezing in some tennis and sightseeing. And by the end of the four days I did feel better. I usually feel a little lethargic by the end of a summer holiday, brought on by too much food, sun and booze, but this time I felt good.
The power walks made me feel alert for at least a few hours, the massages released the tension in my neck and shoulders, the yoga relaxed me, and the exercise, including the half day’s hiking in the Oman countryside made me feel a bit better about indulging in the wonderful food.
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