The receptionist asked me if I wanted a wake-up call, but she’d already pencilled me in for 6.30am. “You’re one of our bikini boot campers aren’t you?” she asked with a sage smile. Another rhetorical question – there was no backing out of the Bikini Boot Camp with this kind of notoriety.

Good job, too, after what greeted me in my bedroom: a welcome pack of teeny red bikini, inflatable exercise ball, protein snacks and detoxing body oil (not to be used in conjunction, I presumed).

After that shock it was time for some retox - I joined my campmates for a glass of wine in the bar and camaraderie blossomed over the itsy bitsy beachwear. Things looked better through my rosé-tinted spectacles but there was no denying what was coming next.

We’d met our trainers earlier that evening and had our blood pressure taken prior to a brief on the day ahead (after would have given a very different reading).

10 classic lifestyle holidays

We've sifted through our archive to dig out the most spiritually uplifting breaks to help you feel good

• The Good Spa Guide: Budget

BACKGROUND

• Top 5 exotic detox retreats

• Top 5 serene retreats

• Top 5 adventure retreats

• Top 10 breaks to get you out of a rut

• 10 classic lifestyle holidays

8 best holistic spas

Sunday Times Travel Magazine travel experts have scoured the globe for spas that help you embrace nature

• Five retreat spas

Related Links

• Five boot-camp spas

• Baoli yoga break, Dorset

First challenge: mental agility. It was a battle of wills between us and the Grove’s plush buffet of salads, stir-fries, sushi, roasts, fish, cheese and two tables groaning with twinkling puddings. The buffet won that round.

Pounds and guilt piled on, the next challenge couldn’t come soon enough – a morning walk. Shortly after daylight, or so it felt, we were marching along the Grand Union Canal.

Birds singing and the sun glinting off the water it hands down beat the Jubilee Line during the morning rush. Breakfast followed – delicious, if like me, your prefer cereal that looks like birdseed. Over the bircher muesli, rye toast and cleansing juices, trainer Mark explained healthy eating.

There was some revelationary stuff – most of it bad news. We were all eating three times as much cereal as we should be (30g is ideal), fruit and vegetables count towards carbs – not just pasta, potatoes and bread as I’d thought – so you can cut down on those and bump up protein. Also, eating healthily doesn’t mean you’re not eating too much – so big piles of couscous and mountains of salad won’t help you drop that dress size.

Use smaller plates to limit portion size and, finally, protein is king – its helps repair, and therefore tone muscle that’s been worked by exercise and weight training.

Mark’s advice put something of a dampner on the breadbasket order (the pastry chefs at the Grove are exceptional), but it was interesting stuff.

Next it was onto the nitty gritty and the toughest part of the day – an hour or so of circuit training.

Mark and Mike made it fun – dressed in camo army pants they may have been, but behind the “cruel-to-be-kind” façade were two big kids just loving the fun and games they had in store for us. The pumping music and surreal surroundings of a beach, which is transplanted to the hotel’s elegant walled garden every summer, meant it didn’t feel like the gym.

Times recommends

• Tuesday: the latest airport and flights news
• Wild Girls hit the Klosters slopes
• Red Sea: the complete guide