For those who know the Thai capital, the concept of a Bangkok wellness retreat
is a misnomer. The frenetic city is known for its constant traffic jams,
sizzling heat and street orchestra of stallholders, roadside chefs and
buzzing tuk-tuks – it’s a long way from the "cross-legged
oms in the Himalayan foothills" kind of retreat. But incredibly, once
you shut the door on the noisy city, calm presides at the Baan Thai Wellness
Retreat (except when there’s building work next door, but more on that
later).
The retreat is a collection of five antique teak houses laid out in a
haphazard clutter around two courtyards. The dark blue pools and rich green
plants in the courtyards offer respite from the heat during the day, and are
dramatically lit at night. There are 21 rooms and suites, reached down
circuitous wood-panelled corridors and balconies – and it’s this muddled
layout, a sharp contrast to the skyscraper hotels with long, wide corridors
and hundreds of rooms, that makes this place so unusual.
The other unusual thing about the Baan Thai was the lack of guests. We were
outnumbered four to one by the staff during our stay, who shuffled between
the houses and gave us polite nods, but spoke very little English. Not even
the receptionist could speak enough English to explain why we saw only two
other guests at the hotel during our two-night stay.
This was blissful for us, and meant that we had exclusive use of facilities
like the infra-red sauna, gym and herbal steam room, and even the colonic
irrigation room, although this went unvisited. An adjoining teak building
houses the spa, which has eight treatment rooms (four each), and another
building houses the restaurant. There are also two communal lounge areas,
which like the rest of the retreat, are decked with traditional artwork,
wood carvings and sculptures, and sofas and chairs covered in exquisite
brightly-coloured silk.
The daily activity programme advertised in the brochures never materialised,
and so neither did my daydreams of waking up to a yoga or tai chi session
ahead of breakfast. Requests to host classes, which also included pilates,
aerobics, stretch, fit-ball and meditation, fell on deaf ears.
I did manage to book a massage though, as included in the daily room rate
package. I went to the spa early to fit in the personal consultation which,
according to the hotel bumf, commences each stay. In my mind, this was going
to be a one-to-one meeting with a health professional, who would talk me
through any health problems I had and advise me on what treatments to have,
and what dishes to choose, or avoid, from the hotel’s Thai menu.
At the spa reception, I was handed a seven-page form to fill in with details
about my diet, exercise and skin-care regimes and some of the sort of
details I’ve never even shared with my GP. It took a good ten minutes to get
through this, during which time I was given a cool towel and iced tea, which
tasted horrible. I think it had chrysanthemum and fennel in it, but the
language barrier made it difficult to establish.
Once completed, the form was filed in a box, presumably never to be seen
again. It certainly wasn’t read by my therapist, who handed me a brochure
and invited me to choose a treatment. What a waste of time – I gestured
towards the two doors labelled “Consultation Room”, to no avail. The health
MOT I had hoped for was not forthcoming, so I conducted my own diagnosis and
decided that a Lymphatic Drainage Massage would help me to flush out toxins,
boost my sluggish circulation and support my immune system ahead of my
return to wintry England.
The massage lasted 75 minutes and started with a footbath. The pressure was
erring on too light but she managed to identify some knots in my shoulders.
Afterwards, a hot towel and hot tea were welcome following an hour spent in
fierce air conditioning.
I headed back to my room, which was cool and dark - perfect to relax in a hot,
bright city. The room was wood panelled and centred around a huge teak bed
and a writing desk adorned with arty books. The bathroom had a big bath and
shower, and the bespoke toiletries smelled lovely. The only thing shattering
the peace and twitter of birds from the cages in the courtyards was a
persistent drill from next door. There’s nothing the hotel can do about
building work nearby, and although it successfully shielded guests from
unsightly views, nothing could drown out the drills.
Thankfully, you couldn’t hear them from the restaurant, which like the rest of
the hotel we had to ourselves. The room rate package includes three meals a
day and while we had no intention of eating every meal in the hotel – being
in a city that offers some of the most exciting food on the planet – we did
enjoy a few. The breakfast was great, and started with a tart apple cider
vinegar shot, said to kick-start the constitution. The Thai breakfast option
was a choice of fruit and vegetable juices, then either rice soup or congee
followed by coffee, or there were other Thai and international dishes. I
chickened out of the congee and opted for a rice stir-fry, deliciously
spiced with chilli and a mixture of fresh aromatic herbs. The second day I
went for oatmeal porridge with soya milk, organic honey and sunflower seeds,
which was excellent.
Lunch and dinner were also superb – with tons of herbs, spices and fresh
vegetables – all very healthy. Lentil salad with lemongrass, sawtooth
parsley and mint was a winner, as was the green papaya salad with river
prawns.
The healthy leaning of the hotel means alcohol is limited to wines, but when
we ordered two glasses of red with dinner we were told the hotel had run
out. So we ordered white. There was only one glass of white wine left,
according to the waiter, who said it had been drunk during a party that
afternoon. Whether the calming atmosphere of the retreat had drugged us into
such a haze that we hadn’t noticed this raucous party, or whether he was
just saying it to save our livers, I’m not sure, but we drank the hotel dry.
The taste was not dissimilar to the apple cider vinegar.
There were so many disappointments about the hotel that I struggle to
understand why I’d recommend it again, but something must have won me over.
The stunning design, calming atmosphere and great food perhaps, although
overall I felt the whole experience smacked of missed opportunity. The hotel
promises so much more than it delivers and while the surroundings are
exquisite and staff courteous, the spa side of things is a shambles.
In Brief
USP Once the building work has finished next door this will
be a retreat – an incredible feat in a frenetic city known for its traffic
jams, sizzling heat and street orchestra of stallholders, roadside chefs and
buzzing tuk-tuks. The dark blue pools and rich green plants in the
courtyards offer respite from the heat during the day, and are dramatically
lit at night. There are 21 rooms hidden down circuitous wood-panelled
corridors and balconies – and it’s this muddled layout, a sharp contrast to
the skyscraper hotels with long, wide corridors and hundreds of rooms, that
makes this place so unusual. Facilities include an infra-red sauna, gym,
herbal steam room and colonic irrigation room.
QUALITY OF EXPERIENCE The room rate package includes a
personal consultation at the start of the stay. In my mind this was going to
be a one-to-one meeting with a health professional, but turned out to be a
seven-page form, that once completed was filed and ignored. The health MOT I
had hoped for was not forthcoming, so I conducted my own diagnosis and
decided that a Lymphatic Drainage Massage would help me to flush out toxins,
boost my sluggish circulation and support my immune system ahead of my
return to the wintry UK. The massage lasted 75 minutes and started with a
footbath. The pressure was erring on too light but she managed to identify
and pummel some of the knots in my shoulders. Afterwards I hot a hot towel
and hot tea, which was welcome after over an hour in fierce air
conditioning.
The daily activity programme, advertised in the brochures, never materialised,
and so neither did my daydreams of waking up to a yoga or tai chi session
ahead of breakfast. Requests to host classes, which also included pilates,
aerobics, stretch, fit-ball and meditation, fell on deaf ears
AMBIENCE The whole of the retreat was decked with traditional
artwork, woodcarvings and sculptures, and the sofas and chairs were covered
in exquisite brightly coloured silk. The spa interior was also exquisite,
with teak panelling, fresh flowers and white linen. The bathrobes were the
nicest hotel robes I’ve worn, in a heavy soft cream cotton with an ethnic
maroon trim. I tried to buy one, but they’d run out. The aroma throughout
the spa had pleasant citrus undertones, and together with the soft lighting
created a calming ambience. Only the music let the side down, with the CD
sticking twice, for what felt like ten minutes, before anyone sorted it out.
IN CROWD The only other couple we saw were German and
middle-aged, and looked like they enjoyed active holidays. Our friendly
waiter who spoke better English than his colleagues said the hotel was
popular with French guests.
FOOD Breakfast was great, starting with a tart apple cider
vinegar shot, said to kick-start the constitution. The Thai breakfast option
was a choice of fruit and vegetable juices, then either rice soup or congee
followed by coffee, or there were other Thai and international dishes. I
chickened out of the congee and opted for a rice stir-fry, which was
deliciously spiced with chilli and a mixture of fresh aromatic herbs. The
second day I went for oatmeal porridge with soya milk, organic honey and
sunflower seeds, which was excellent. Lunch and dinner were also superb –
with plenty of herbs and spices, catered to your preference and fresh
vegetables – all very wholesome. Lentil salad with lemongrass, sawtooth
parsley and mint was a winner, as was the green papaya salad with river
prawns. The healthy leaning of the hotel means alcohol is limited to wines,
which were in short supply when I visited.
WALLET WATCH The package room rate costs from US$360 per
night, which includes a consultation, three meals per day, choice of daily
massage and use of the spa facilities. There are seven rooms with spa
facilities and nine with kitchenettes. Further spa treatments include
facials, wraps, scrubs and baths, and there are beauty treatments such as
hair styling, waxing and manicures.
NEED TO KNOW The Baan Thai Wellness Retreat, 7 Soi Sukhumvit,
32 Sukhumvit Rd, Bangkok 10110; tel. +66 (0) 2258 5403; www.thebaanthai.com
