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‘I GO ON HOLIDAY, but I don’t travel. No Michael Palin-style nonsense from me. We go to Barbados every Easter and do very little for two weeks. It’s the perfect place for sitting around, having a bit of a swim, eating nice food and looking at turtles, in between watching DVDs. Barbados may seem a long way to go to watch telly, but it’s nice to do so in beautiful surroundings and, of course, we don’t want to miss an opportunity to increase our carbon footprint.
I love going to America, partly because of the exchange rate, but also because of the fantastic service culture. One of the best times I’ve had was in New York when, by chance, we arrived on the first anniversary of 9/11. Everyone was very pleased to see tourists; on one occasion, we were looking at our map in Central Park and five joggers stopped in the middle of their runs to help us.
The first time I visited the States was as a very young man with my good friend Henry Nichols. We got a Delta pass, which allows you unlimited air travel for a month. We took about 30 flights in 30 days. It became a compulsion. The most ludicrous flying bout was from Seattle. We arrived when there was a festival on and no hostels were available. So, we were literally sleepless in Seattle. After about 36 hours of wandering the streets in the cold and rain, we decided to fly to Florida. Five flights and plenty of carbon emissions later, we were warm and comfortable in Key West.
The best part of that trip was doing the national parks. My inclination was to stick to cities and visit all the stuff I’d seen in films. But Henry is a natural scientist, and wanted to go to Yellowstone and Yosemite, stay in lodges and do nature. The parks were truly awe-inspiring, and Henry knows his stuff, so I picked up a lot that I would not have done had I been left to my own devices.
My favourite place is probably Ireland. I love Dublin and Galway, and go a lot for work – although my work is pretty much a holiday. It’s not like I have to dig ditches or anything, and I only put in a couple of hours a day, so I’m free to wander around, waiting for the next meal and fending off offers of drinks. I don’t drink, which makes being in Ireland rather odd. Everyone assumes you are a reformed alcoholic, but that whatever you are, you will have “just the one”.
My parents are Irish, and all our family holidays were to Kilkee, which has a big long sandy beach, surrounded by some lovely countryside. We used to rent a cottage and spend a month every summer – just long enough for the malleable young person I was to pick up a bit of an Irish accent. Actually, I still do that when I’ve been in Ireland for a bit. I start lilting, asking what people “will be having” to drink and generally sounding a prat.
I’m a big fan of the UK at the moment, too. Places like Manchester and Birmingham have really taken off in the past few years. When I first started touring, about seven years ago, Birmingham was in a bit of a state. Now it’s this fabulous place where you can’t fail to have a good time.
The other place I love is Edinburgh, and, thanks to the festival, I get a month’s holiday there every summer. I stay in this fantastic bed-and-breakfast called One Royal Circus. The best thing is the Parisian-style salon on the first floor, with a baby grand piano and a painted ceiling. It leads to the lounge bar, where guests gather before going out for dinner. It’s like living in another age, and it is truly the Learjet of B&Bs.
I have had one life-changing holiday – on the Greek island of Skyros, which is basically a hippie commune where you can join in for a couple of weeks. Everyone seemed to be in a transitional phase of their lives. Some had lost their partners, others had just got divorced and I had just given up my job with Shell. I wasn’t quite sure what to do with my life, so I enrolled on a creative-writing course and learnt how to do massage, in the hope that something would occur to me. People kept saying that I was really funny, and ought to be a comedian, so I thought I’d give it a go.’
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