A real family holiday Who Do You Think You Are? is back on the box for a fifth series. Those embarking on a journey into their family history include Patsy Kensit, Boris Johnson and Jerry Springer. You don’t have to be a sleb to get the same treatment. Sue Hills, one of the series directors, is now offering the experience to anyone with £25,000 to spare. After several months of research, Sue and her team (www.ancestralfootsteps.co.uk ) will take you (and as many relatives as you want) on a seven-day luxury trip into your past. Unless, of course, your ancestors all lived in Swindon.

Bog on the Tyne They’re canny chuffed at Beamish, the excellent museum of northern life near Newcastle (www.beamish.org.uk ) - they’ve just taken delivery of their star new exhibit, the Westoe Netty. The what? “It’s the most famous public toilet in the northeast!” said a spokeswoman, who was (naturally) flushed with pride. “It’s quite an ordinary Victorian gents, but a local painting made it famous up here, and we’ve rebuilt it brick by brick. It’s now Geordieland’s iconic urinal.” Just please don’t use it. It’s not plumbed in.

Dinner isn’t served Crocosaurus Cove (www.crocosauruscove.com ), a new theme park in Darwin, Australia, has managed to bait both the wildlife and concerned locals. For £55, it will put you in a clear tank and lower you into the underwater lair of Choppa, a 5½-metre saltwater crocodile - who goes ballistic when he realises there’s 4cm of tough acrylic between him and lunch. Isn’t that mean? “We saved him from a crocodile farm,” they told us. “In any case, salties attack boats in the wild, so a little acrylic won’t hurt his teeth.” Locals disagree. “It’s disgusting,” said one. “Let’s see them try this without the cage.”

Take with a pinch of salt The trendy beauty outfit Ila (www.ila-spa.com ) is touting its Energy Spray as the latest holiday must-have. It “combines Himalayan salt crystals with pure water” to release “profound healing vibrations”, which you need, apparently, when you go to the beach. So, let’s get this straight: you sit by the sea, looking at salty water, take out your £15 bottle and spray yourself with... salty water. The very definition of marketing genius.

Calm down, Michael Sandy Lane, home of Barbados bling, is closing during September for a bit of a makeover. What do they have in mind, we wonder? The hotel is being tight-lipped about the new look, but we hear they’re preparing to install an additional 16,000 sq ft (about six tennis courts’ worth) of pink marble. The old Sandy Lane, then, but more so. Michael Winner will feel right at home.

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