Mummy dearest

Might the new spa at the Hilton Luxor be going a little overboard? The Nayara holistic cocooning treatment (70 minutes; £114) is, a source advises, “inspired by the art of mummification, which was developed with the aim of immortalising the soul”. It turns out the treatment merely comprises exfoliation, a wrap, skin-nourishing, a facial and head massage. And we were so looking forward to brains extracted through the nose.

Through the roof

Californian heads are bobbing eagerly outside the Setai San Diego hotel (www.setaisandiego.com ; doubles from £210). Unveiled this Wednesday, it’s a striking essay in aluminium, zinc and stainless mesh. You might want to rob a bank for the Grand Penthouse, which will open in February: at 5,000 sq ft, with a 4,000 sq ft terrace, it’ll be the largest on the West Coast – hence the £13,400anight tag. “That doesn’t include tax [£1,675],” we’re told, “but it does include breakfast.” Pray it’s all-you-can-eat.

Sultans of swing

The perfect memento of Istanbul? Turkish delight? Grand Bazaar slippers? How about Whisper of the Bosphorus, an evocative-sounding new CD from the Ritz-Carlton? Apparently, it was compiled to immerse guests in the spirit of the exotic strait. Tracks include Soft 2 Swallow by Gussy & the Bamster, Spanjana by Acidica and You Are the One by Mark Lane and Nick Carter. Oddly,we’re not getting oodles of eastern promise.

In the lobby, no one can hear you scream

The modish Andaz hotel, in London, is pioneering silent cinema, at the moment. Films are projected onto the six-storey atrium wall, but the soundtrack isn’t played through speakers – instead, the audience sits in the lobby, listening to it on headphones. Result: casual guests can see the film but not hear it, and their chatter doesn’t interrupt your enjoyment. Nice idea, but we’re not sure about their choice of festive viewing. Tonight at 10.30pm, it’s Black Christmas, a buckets-of-blood slasher flick featuring a hook-wielding maniac who hides in bedrooms. Just what you want to see at check-in.

Stock answer

Hammered on the stock market? Puzzling over what to do with those ill-performing banking shares? Hang on to ’em: they might soon buy you a holiday in the Caribbean. Palm Island, in the Grenadines (www.eliteislandresorts.com ), is letting guests use depressed American stocks to settle the bill – at their July 1 value. “We hope to do the same with UK shares, including banks, when we’ve sorted the legalities,” the hotel says. Which, by our maths, means you’d stay for about half price. Must close now – got to call our broker.

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