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1 PLAYHOUSE ROOM SohoHouse, New York
It’s impossible to walk into these bedrooms, with their flagrant display of extravagance and generosity, and not be filled with a sense of fun. They’re like a little devil on your shoulder, persuasively listing arguments why you need to loosen your corsets and behave very badly indeed.
There are the gorgeous 7ft hand-carved beds, with curves as coquettish as the flirtiest of French flirts, piled high with the plumpest pillows and dreamiest, flounce-inducing linens, with antique chandeliers overhead and vast dinosaur-egg stone baths perched provocatively at their bases.
And if, by some sad circumstance, you’re still at a loss for inspiration, raid the minibar, which stocks everything from Ben & Jerry ice cream to love dice for some grown-up roll play. From £505, room-only; 00 1 212 627 9800, www.sohohouseny.com
2 BANDA 5 Beho Beho, Tanzania
You can’t help feeling for the honeymooners who come to Beho Beho. How, in the rest of their married lives, will they ever equal the lubricious thrill of staying here? You’re in a grand banda, a huge thatched cottage with polished flagstone floors, exquisite antique furniture, an open-air stone shower and a vast, crisp-linened, muslin-draped bed.
Best of all, the front is completely open, giving an enormous view over a valley where giraffes, impalas, lions and leopards roam. It’s an irresistibly sexy cocktail of drama, luxury and an edge of danger - in theory, there’s nothing to stop those leopards dropping in for a midnight snack.
In practice, they stay well clear, though the elephants sometimes parade past on their way for a drink from the swimming pool. There are just eight bandas: go for number five for that out-in-the-wilds feel. A four-night break starts at £2,319pp, full-board, with flights; 020 8232 9777, www.expertafrica.com
3 DOUBLE MURANO Murano, Paris
While Paris remains a city for lovers, most of its hotels cling to a concept of “romantic” and “sexy” that translates as “Louis XV’s favourite brothel”. Not so the Murano, in the Marais, a far more contemporary interpretation of what might tickle a couple’s erogenous zones. Unlike some other lounge-lizardy hotels (hello, Costes), the bon-chic vibe doesn’t evaporate as soon as you leave the public areas, the Murano’s rooms being as fun and far-out as the retro-futurist lobby and bar.
As a self-proclaimed “Urban Resort”, it has two suites with (small) outdoor heated pools, but they’ll knock you back almost two grand a night. Opt instead for one of the Double Murano rooms (from about £330, room-only), with their raised podium beds and slate bathrooms, and you’ll be more than satisfied. Murano Urban Resort; 00 33 1 42 70 20 00, www.muranoresort.com
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