On arrival at Portsmouth Harbour station I asked a portly bald man: “Excuse me, where is The Hard?” — the address of the Keppel’s Head Hotel. “This is The Hard,” he replied gruffly and pointed towards a bus depot.

Walking past a 24-hour bacon roll kiosk I saw the weatherbeaten stone façade of the hotel with a bust of Admiral Nelson on one side. Through heavy doors I reached a lobby with a high ceiling where classical music was playing.

Beyond was a gloomy bar with a picture of Admiral Augustus Keppel (1725-86) and several old paintings of clippers dotted between peeling wallpaper and sagging sofas — the hotel dates from the 18th century and is named after the popular admiral.

After taking a creaking lift with a fold-aside metal door, I found that my room was small with striped pink wallpaper that reminded me of rows of seaside rock. From my window I could see the station, the elegant outline of the Spinnaker Tower (a striking 170m structure completed in 2005) and the impressive bulk of HMS Warrior, Britain’s first iron-hulled armoured warship; HMS Victory, Nelson’s famous ship, was just behind a wall in the Historic Dockyard.

Tylney Hall, Hook, Hampshire

Ginny McGrath finds a grand hotel offering the perfect English country weekend away

BACKGROUND

• Keppel’s Head Hotel, Portsmouth, Hampshire

• The Montagu Arms, Beaulieu, New Forest

• Anchor Inn at Lower Froyle, Hampshire

• Aviator, Farnborough, Hampshire

• TerraVina, Southampton

BACKGROUND

• Four Seasons, Hook, Hampshire

• Botley Park Hotel & Country Club, Hampshire

• Chewton Glen, New Forest, Hampshire

• Master Builder's House, New Forest, Hampshire

BACKGROUND

• Rhinefield House, Brockenhurst, Hampshire

• The Wykeham Arms, Winchester

• Lainston House Hotel, Winchester

The bathroom was tiny with a dirty-looking shower. I sat in a chair in an alcove by the window and noticed graffiti written between the pink wallpaper’s stripes.

It said: “Terry Wogan is a s*** with a wig.” And rather more disturbingly: “I was the product of a crime, I should never have existed, so nobody mourned my death.” Charming.

I slept fitfully. No food other than breakfast (OK poached eggs on toast) is available. I went for a stroll round Gunwharf Quays, which has endless factory outlet stores, and went up Spinnaker Tower to its terrific viewing deck before retiring to my strange seaside rock room. Yes, Keppel’s is odd and more than a bit rough round the edges ... but it has a salty seadog feel that is somehow just right for Portsmouth.

Keppel’s Head Hotel (02392 833231, www.keppelsheadhotel.co.uk ), 24-26 The Hard, Portsmouth PO1 3DT.

Mystery Guest paid £55 for a B&B single.

Room 2 out of 10
Service7
Food 6.5 (breakfast)
Value 7
Score 5.63

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